#like. I cannot express how frustrated I am. and I know it's silly to b pissed abt but I am PISSED | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bitchoftheclouds · 4 years ago

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The brothers reacting to you/MC being into spanking

A/N: reposting cause this flopped so badly the first time ehehe <3 preferences start after the cut! enjoy ♥

Mammon:

He starts to blush super hard, and starts stumbling over his words, seems kinda unable to form a complete sentence.

“Y-You want me to.. I-I-mean..W-WHY would y-you want me-”

He suddenly goes silent, and becomes even more flustered as he sees you giving him a cute little smirk, as you find this whole situation adorable.

“I-I mean, OF COURSE. THE GREAT MAMMON EXCELS AT EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY IN GIVING IMMENSE PLEASURE TO HIS LOVER.”

You start giggling at this point, your boyfriend is just too cute for words.

“H-Hey! Don’t laugh at me. Show me some respect! I am the Great M-”

You shut him up with a kiss, which he returns, of course.

He pulls away and holds your cheek, and uses his thumb to stroke it gently. He smiles at you, looking at you with pure adoration.

“If this is what you want, baby girl, let’s do it. I’d do anything to make you feel good.”

Asmo:

This one is pretty short and sweet of course ;) It IS Asmo, after all. Avatar of Lust and all that haha.

He gives you a look so sexy, that it makes you wet just to look at him. Man doesn’t even have to touch you.

“My, my darling. I never realised you were such a dirty little thing..where have you been hiding this side of yourself? Mmm and of course I’d be more than happy to oblige. Why don’t you come here and lie down on my lap, get comfortable hmm? Let Daddy take good care of his kitten.”

Satan:

He looks very thoughtful at first.

“Hmm.. just when I think that you cannot surprise me even more, you go ahead and pull something like this..”

You’re not sure what to make of this reaction and just assume the worst instantly:

“I-I’m sorry..I know it’s silly, I shouldn’t have brought it-”

He suddenly walks towards you, getting closer and closer until you’re backed up against the wall. He lightly strokes your cheek with the back of his hand, looking down at you with a smirk which you could only refer to (as ironic as this sounds) as the Devil’s work, his eyes dark with lust.

“Now, now, my love. Don’t be like that..I’d be more than happy to give you what you want..”

He grabs your ass and pulls you even closer, your lips so close, but just a little off from touching each other. He suddenly squeezes your ass, making you gasp. He now has a much more serious expression, his eyes still full of lust.

“Just to get one thing out of the way from now: once I’m done with you…it’ll be a few days before you’re able to walk straight again.”

Levi:

Oh, boy. He goes as red as a tomato, pretty much. You sorta broke him at first. He gets as flustered as Mammon, only 20x more, and without the fake confidence. He can barely get words out, oh lord.

“I-”

“You-”

“We-”

“Y-You want M-ME to-”

“I-I mean, I guess I’ve seen some stuff in a romantic anime b-but to really-”

“I-I don’t…W-Wh-”

He trips over a pile of manga on the floor, and falls over. Oh, Levi, you beautiful boy.

You bend down and lightly grab his chin, tilting his face upward to look at you.

“Aww, Levi, baby, don’t worry about it. I don’t want us to do anything you are not comfortable with. If you don’t want to-”

He suddenly grips your arm.

“H-Hold on. I never said I didn’t want to.”

Lucifer:

Of course, this cocky mother fucker is going to give you the SEXIEST smirk. Clearly our boy Satan inherited that sinful smirk of his from this man. And let me tell you, Lucifer LOVES the fact that you are into spanking. It’s quite the revelation for him. The man lives and breathes dominance. His entire existence is pure dom. And with the frustrations he has to deal with on the daily, the idea that he now had a way that he could pleasure you AND vent out those frustrations, was quite an appealing one.

“I see. Well, darling. If you wanted me to punish you that badly, why didn’t you simply come to me sooner? Well, I’d be more than happy to oblige. Come along, then. This is a conversation to be continued in my room.”

With this, he takes your hand and leads you to his room, where *censored* ensues. I’ll leave the rest up to y’alls imagination ;)

Beel:

This man is a soft, sweet bean. That being said, he’s definitely A+ at satisfying/pleasuring you in the bedroom, no doubt. He is just confused at first, because he is never actually violent with you in any form. He does that cute lil signature confused Beel head tilt. He wonders why you would ask him to do this.

He’s more than happy to try anything that would make you feel good, of course. And he would be extra careful and check on you often to make sure he hasn’t hurt you too much.

At first, he’d go pretty gently. A little too gentle for your liking, in fact. He’s too scared to hurt you. You encourage him, and eventually he gets to a very good level. And once he hears the absolute sinful sounds that come out of you.. well this becomes one of his favourite activities in the bedroom ;)

Belphie:

Honestly, at first I thought Belphie would be turned off by the concept. But after using the Whip of Love on him, I realised this man has a hidden kinky side.

He’d definitely be into it as soon as you tell him. He’ll give you a cute lil smirk. (Does this shit run in the family or what???)

“Ahaha, believe it or not baby, I was hoping you’d say that..”

He gestures for you to come over, and then bends you over on his lap. He roughly grabs your ass, which feels so good in itself that you had to stifle a moan.

He then bends down to whisper in your ear:

“No more of that, baby girl. I want to hear every single sound you make for me. Loud. No one is here, but you and me. I am going to make you scream. And these cheeks-”

He gives your ass a light slap.

“-are going to be red for days, once I’m finished here.”

<3 ;)

Hope you guys liked it!! And I’d love to hear your headcanons/opinions on how the brothers would react! Please do share them as I’d love to read them. Have a lovely day ♥

#obey me!#obey me x reader #obey me smut #mammon x reader #beelzebub x reader #lucifer x reader #satan x reader #asmodeus x reader #belphegor x reader #leviathan x reader #obey me #obey me x mc #obey me swd #obey me headcanon #obey me imagines

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sweetlittlevampire · 4 years ago

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bRO YOU’RE AN ARTIST !!!!! You know better than anyone that it takes practice to become good at something !!!! I see your art and it makes me so happy !! But sometimes it makes me think, wow I’m super jealous that i cant create something like that !!! But I COULD become good at art if I put in the time and practice for it and knowing this is what keeps me thinking about ideas and trying to be creative !!! I know that it’s super hard to protray characters the right way, I literally had trouble with the same two idiot boiz (lwj and wwx) that you did, but don’t give up !! Just get some words on a page and then if you want to evaluate it later for how you can improve, then that’s how you can practice and get a couple steps closer to protraying them in a way you’re happy with !!! If you want to reach a goal, it doesn’t matter how far you can get towards that goal in one day, it just matters that you’re making progress little by little !!! Anyways i love your writing and art, so don’t stop writing just because of the frustration of one work in progress or off day !!! I believe in you !!!

bRO YOU’RE A HUMAN BEING ON THE INTERNET !!!!! And I assume you’re also one when you’re not sitting behind a screen, so you know better than anyone that some people may have a history of trauma attached to things, and that one should never assume. At least you should.

(I was debating to put this under a Read More, but I’m not sure if you’d be able to read this if I do, Anon. So I’m just gonna say it now, for anyone reading along: there will be mentions of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse later in this reply. Please read at your own risk, or skip altogether.)

This has nothing to do with me whining about how bad my WIPs are, or my fics in general. Or about me having a bad day. I really didn’t want to air this all out in public, but quite frankly, Anon? I know you mean well, I really do, but your ask does rub me the wrong way. Maybe I’m too sensitive right now, maybe you will think that I’m a rude unfriendly b*tch after this - all opinions you’re entitled to.

This is me receiving a frankly unfair and uncalled for negative comment - and it wasn’t even a comment, it was a bookmark, I even copy-pasted it onto this here very blog of mine - and being triggered by it. And with “triggered��, I mean full-on crying and not being able to stop for an afternoon.

And yeah Anon, I hear you if you’re like “then why are you posting art or fic on the internet if you cannot take a bit of criticism?” It’s a fair question to ask, I give you that much.

I can take negative criticism, very well even, if it’s justified and worded in a respectful manner. This thing I got here? Rude, gatekeepy as heck, and racist, on top of it. It’s definitely not your run-of-the-mill negative internet troll comment.

And it managed to absolutely crush me. You know why?

"Look at you wasting your time. What am I supposed to do with this shit. It's not even that good. A waste of paper. A worthless waste of resources. Only a worthless person would waste their time like this."

These were actual words I heard every day, from early childhood on, up until I was 21. And they were often followed up by yelling, or even a beating, if I was unlucky. Something like that sticks with you. It’s not easy to shake. I am actively working on it, hard. And still, every time I post a drawing or a written piece, I am this close to deleting it within the first two hours after posting because my brain convinces me that it’s worthless anyway and that everyone’s gonna hate it, and that it makes me worthless too. It’s not a good feeling.

I’m 33 now. It’s been years. It got better, but on some days it’s as if the person who psychologically and emotionally abused my mother and me was still here. And objectively I KNOW that I should know better. I do, Anon. Do you have any idea how silly and weak I feel because I am still stuck in that loop? Because I still got stuck in that headspace? Don’t you think I know that?

The things you say are all valid, Anon, and I know that you mean well. I really do. But as I said before: you’re also only just a person on the internet, just as I am. Chances are that we don’t even know each other - and if we do, there’s no need to get on anon. We could have messaged each other privately. But as it turns out - I don’t know you, you don’t know me, and you probably don’t know me that well. You don’t know what I went through. It probably even doesn’t sound that bad to you, but my mother and I still have issues because of it, to this day.

All I ask of you is to please be mindful of the way you word things. Because, while I know that you meant well, your message did hit me like a “Don’t be such a baby”, which just has me feeling even worse.

If I did step on your toes now - I apologise. I just needed to express this, because it really wasn’t sitting well with me. I don’t even care if I lose followers over this. I have a right to voice my discomfort.

But I still don’t want there to be hard feelings between us, so if you want to talk about this further, I invite you to come off anon, and to let us discuss this in private.

I wish you a good day.

Rima

#Anonymous #Reply #Ask

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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another prompt saga

April 8th: Talk about friendship. How important are friends to you? Do you find it hard to make and maintain friendships? Are your friends generally supportive? Is there anything about having friends that confuses you?

another big question for me to go on plenty of tangents lol

well i haven't often had friends Really, there's like, being amicable with classmates, being friends with people While We're At School Together, being friendly acquaintances lmfao, or like, the occasional "yeah ig we're sort of friends, not exactly very close tho" lol and then rarely where yeah i'd call someone a close friend, although naturally, it's not like i completely discount those other, less close relationships. and, even more so, not like overall i'm like "oh friendship? yeah that's pretty frivolous and unimportant and it's just something mildly entertaining vs the Real Shit & True Emotional Support & Love of your biological family and romantic soulmate" lol, Friends Are Important and it's entirely serious 2 me

also natch i Do find it hard to make and maintain friendships lol. goes back to like, preschool and being around a bunch of age peers regularly for the first time, where my "best friend" defaulted to this one person who sought out interacting with me when i was otherwise doing my own thing during preschool recess, and i was pretty enthused about getting invited to a bday party one kid invited a bunch of us to, because that was like, a Friend thing, and a fun social thing, and i was included.....that i Do remember just feeling like, socially, everyone else was playing a game i didn't know the rules to and so couldn't expect to participate and, furthermore, i ought to stay out of the way of whatever everyone else was doing, where i Did often choose to do stuff by myself, but it's like, you know, the way "autistic" is even used figuratively (which. i have a lot of disdain for) because it's like oh the defining thing really is that telltale "doesn't want to interact with other people or form relationships, probably because also they have no feelings / normal and intrinsic qualities of Humanity" but it's like, if you pay any attention or god forbid ask autistic people about their own experiences, sure everyone has their own varying social approach and anyone might not always be raring to be the center of the party or Not want to do their own thing, but it's not that oh all autistic people aren't interested in social connection, but that like even when you are a small child it's like, oh all these other kids are interacting in this way that isn't really my social style and that shuts me out, and/or attempting to interact with people results in this even subtle, quiet rejection / exclusion that can be picked up on. i wasn't making friends and was often keeping to myself / keeping my head down as it were, but it wasn't because i didn't want to have friends or socialize. my mom was insistent i was a Shy Child lmao and i'd always argue that i wasn't Really, without further explanation though lmao, but it's like, again that i felt that sort of emergent exclusion, and there wasn't any space to interact much on my terms at all, and like, yeah i often stayed quiet / didn't want to mingle with other kids / if i was in a Situation i wanted to know the How To of navigating it / what to expect

being friends with people at school was fine, except the drawbacks of stuff like "we're only interacting at school, rarely hanging out outside of that" & "someone in the same grade is in a diff class in elementary school so we just never see each other now" & "for some reason that 2nd grade teacher made a whole giant Example out of me and a friend, god forbid, not paying attention or whatever the fuck, so now i feel like we can't interact at all anymore" & "changing schools entirely between elementary / middle / college" & "not being in school" lmao similar to work friends too, we're At Work, might not see each other outside of that, might change jobs & stop seeing each other, & still overall rare, b/c the Preschool Experience never Really stopped imo, had different versions of it even into college and like, being at jobs with other adults lmao, socializing is still Like That, came up with the Je Ne Hate Quoi where like, people kind of just Know to exclude you / consider you an exception to whatever other social stuff is going on.

and then like, the difficulties even when socializing / interactions Are happening, where like, it's always funny like. i'm very Verbose / Chatty and very opinionated but like, this will surprise people, that i Talk actually and have a ton of takes, b/c i was keeping to myself / not sharing that with them and so it's like well, that must of course be the realest version of me, no way i was filtering myself, i just must have Not Wanted to talk, and/or had nothing to say & hence no thoughts or feelings i might wanna share lol, of course....and tbh like, it sure Can be true that i don't wanna talk lmao like. i wanna talk About Stuff that isn't really "personal" generally, which can be like, yeah i wanna talk about this book, or about birds, or about this trivia topic, or whatever, whereas idk so much how to do like small talk about your day or otherwise share Casual things about Yourself, like, idk, being aware my interests are things about Myself but also aware that it's Weird / wasn't the kind of stuff you were supposed to talk about, and i felt that things about my life were otherwise Not The Right Stuff, or too boring (never hanging out, not doing much except being at home reading / doing shit by myself or w/siblings) or too Unfun (able to pick up the sense that At Home Shittiness was a private matter lol......) and it'd be like, idk what to say, things about myself don't seem to fit..........but also it can be that i do not enjoy the Vibe of an interaction lmfaoooo like, i truly do not want to talk to you people. like that i can sometimes vibe with someone inebriated people better lmfao because then, idk, they have some sense of humor and can muster some enthusiasm for anything, but also i'm not really a fan of knowing that someone isn't sober lmfao like. ppl will be like "omg were you drunk" like no, that was just my personality, whereas i am not Heartened to know other ppl Will have to have been drunk to get on my level, for example, don't understand when people cannot muster being even a little silly. it's goofaround hours. but then you have like, being around a bunch of cishet people when they're drunk, and their humor is as nonexistent and boring as ever but they're even louder / more insistent about it, nightmare. and, yknow, just people talking and i'm like "i'm not interested in this at all, whether re: conversational Style or Subject, i would not want to participate" and times when it's like. i know if i was gonna chime in with what i Would say you would not be able to handle me here lmfaoooo so. i truly would prefer examining the wall and thinking about my own shit or texting with someone i do like talking with

but that yknow, in groups / conversations i would be at least someone interested in, i can still be like, idk, Hesitant To Talk b/c of all the instances you've been taught like oh you're socializing Wrong and everyone hated that, sorta like the post about making a comment about salsa that brings the gc to a halt and you're wondering how you fucked up and if salsa killed someone's parents and forgot or whatever, i've been Disheartened re: hanging out when it's like, well, nice to be included, but i'm a friendship third wheel here, not being included in the entire convo and nobody misses it, there's been instances where it's like, two people talking, i chime in, i am completely ignored multiple times, this is frustrating lmao. or there's been times i've tried to put myself out there in a way, like yeah sure i'll hang out with this group, but also i'm anxious and it's like, if people are doing homework i'm also bringing this thing i'm working on as this parallel task, only to find out down the line like people then regarded you as a joke or something b/c it was Rude or Wrong when you know, actually that was you reading some weird shit that didn't exist into the situation, and just like, idk it's wild how people will have like "graciously" declined to express something to your face, and you either can pick up on shit at the time but not be able to say anything which just reads to people like "oh they didn't notice this / that means you can push it a little further next time even" or like, figure out later that something that seemed positive or decent actually ft. people not liking you / not wanting to include you Yet Again, and as a bonus you're left with you know, having to always worry about if people Seemingly being amicable & accepting is actually them wishing you weren't there or solidifying some Interpretations of you that they're then gonna Talk About or Act On behind the scenes, like, beautiful thank you, always very touching, so glad you were so Considerate of someone's feelings and Nice about this where it just ends up being this whole letdown / feeling like even more of a rejection if there was this weird like stringing along lmao like. can allistic people be normal for five minutes

anyways and tied to that sort of, it's also like, simultaneously Cagey About Things and always worried about like, i could tell this person this thing and maybe it'd be Incorrect for the interaction and they won't care, whether because it's too mundane and boring a thing about you or because it's too #Real, i think i glimpsed something a month or so ago about like "do other autistic people have trouble where like, you can be friends with someone a long time but not get particular Close to them" or whatever lol, where like, well i have to hold everyone at arm's length and often Then Some because there's just matter of fact stuff about me that i nonetheless think i can't or shouldn't share, if i talked about something it might be out of the blue b/c i just was hardly confiding in people about it, or it's boring, or it's like, i don't actually feel like i'm close enough with this person that saying this isn't gonna be like "whoa overshare!! i just feel awkward & weird!" lmfao like. there were people i hung out with in person the year i lived out of my car and i did not mention this at all to them / kept it a secret b/c it's like, not out of like ohh this is a secret b/c No One Can Know, some people Could know lmao (shoutout to the person i Did confide in about these problems and who talked with me at what must've been like 3am in that timezone when i was like "well the rich people around here made sure to get cops to harass an unhoused person, e.g. me, would you believe it, it sucked" lmfao) it's that i knew idk, it would be pointless, they'd just feel weird about it and switch into that "for some reason, this is being Nice" where everyone will go into full Putting On A Front mode to be Polite like, that really sucks actually lmao could you Not. but it's like, idk, all this stuff where it's like "this thing about me / my life would be too Boring or too Awkward or Depressing or Etc Etc" turns out to be isolating / alienating b/c like, of course it would be. and idk nobody i ever made friends with in person i was Confiding in, not a ton of them re: me either, because you know. being cagey and wary, on top of like ohhh this person is Standoffish if they're hesitant to interact with people generally or do their own thing or i don't think they're socializing Right / have incorrectly inferred their feelings/motivations/intentions or whatever

and furthermore on that lmao it's also like, again, while i'm Verbose & Opinionated people will think i'm quiet & have no takes to provide because it's also like, even when it comes to stuff i sure feel i Could talk freely about, it's like, if i have a different opinion here will that just be a conversational Interruption ruining things for the real participants, probably nobody wants to hear me talk about this Subject, probably nobody wants to / would let me talk about it at much length without interrupting, even Online lmao i can be just going all out in terms of [how much i can talk about something] and while people can be Into that at that time it's like, people aren't into that beyond that one back and forth on one day, shoutout when people do enjoy the extensive discussing and/or have patience for it other times lol.

then supposing i Am talking to people lmao it's like, idk i'm an acquired taste or what have you, like, on top of the Talking A Ton it's like, the being opinionated and argumentative and sometimes pedantic or whatever on top of being irritable, could stand to be a bit more patient lmao, The Hater Friend to use the figure of speech lmao i have hardly been in a Group to be The [Any] Friend lol, also if my sense of humor doesn't fit it's like well how am i supposed to be silly, if being sometimes Enthused doesn't fit, again kinda an issue......have described myself as A Bit Much, humorously, but already not doing that as Much b/c it's like, i think i'm still too much like considering other people's opinions too "objective" here when like, first of all that's never accurate lmao, second of all i can easily forget that idk, i can at least in theory expect people to just regularly Like me and Enjoy interacting with me lol so. an acquired taste few can sample..........like hey even if other people don't vibe with me, it can just as much be the case that i'm not vibing with other people, don't worry lmao. and yknow, kinda parallel to Masking to seem acceptable in any casual social situation it's like, if i feel i'm suppressing my whole personality here / putting up a front / like i have to Get Through what should be a friendly interaction rather than be able to enjoy it myself, it's not exactly that rewarding. and plenty of times it's like, i like to be around people, but it can be strangers, i don't feel like "oh i wanna go out to eat / see a movie / go to this event, but if i can't get any friends to go, guess i can't!" like get out of the way i'm readily doing shit alone, it can even feel Better that way if otherwise it's like, now this occasion is about performing peak Agreeability for this other person/people, and like, not like i have ever been like "yes i have people i can readily ask to hang out and they'll be like Ya" anyways lol so. used to operating solo, where you can't be like "aha this is because this person has no Human Interest in Human Connection" when it's like. well it was never all up to me was it

well and so also it helped when i was 14 and able to be Online consistently, vs at home lmao. time for online friendship, which i don't think is like, oh that's not Real, like what sorry have you never known about people who have Remote friendships before, phones & letters & telegrams and also [nowadays when many ppl are Remote even if they usually lived near enough to hang out with] where it's like, you have this different format for socializing that can sure play out differently than Real Time, In Person interactions, and ever since i'll be posting mostly to myself lmfao but able to thusly talk about Interests and like, people will come along who want to talk more about it, then we do. i suppose also it can sure help that i'll draw (and Only draw, lol) for said interests, although tbh i think most of the time it's the extensive text posts that do it? really and great litmus test or whatever lmfao like, well already this person must not hate the verbosity. and then you can end up vibing with these people further, or not, but it's like, again, there's this chance for From The Start like, oh this person Likes that i have this niche interest, they like &/or don't mind talking A Lot about it lmao, vs in person introductions where that can sure happen but it's like, that's gonna be chance & spontaneous, whereas ppl might have the opportunity to Seek Out this interaction / content of yours......even online though, i'm still like, not as inclined to reach out or make the first interaction move or whatever lmao so. and then it's like, people make galaxy brain remarks like "ohh people who are very Online don't have friends, irl, they aren't Personable, irl," like yes congratulations i'm autistic and i don't have many In Person friends generally, sometimes maybe not any, don't really know where people think they'll land their argument here. like, follow it through, are you just calling people losers. is it "social media makes peopel Not social" like nobody is Doing Anything when they're online or everyone is embracing strangers and having heart to hearts every weekday morning with whoever is nearby if only they weren't on twitter? plus the fact that like, if i don't have access to people i interact with online, that doesn't like, force me to become neurotypical so that i then have a thriving in person social circle, it just means i'm more isolated? meanwhile, turns out it helps a lot if it's like, yeah i can Expect to interact with people

and then still like, all the time it might be like i still can feel Confused as it were about How To Talk To People lmfao like. there's not much "Just Be Yourself" when being yourself has meant filtering yourself, actually, and being v self conscious about trying (and often failing) to appeal to other people (which, then if you do succeed, it's like oops this person likes me but if i've been putting up a front the whole time, not super Validating) and not exactly a ton of practice getting to do Otherwise, and it can again be like. is this too boring to talk about, or just somewhat arbitrarily like "oh i'd better Not talk / say whatever" for no real reason lmfao, i Can just get like. Real Time Chatty as it were, but it's difficult actually lmfao like i need a lot of momentum, and it's easy for that to be Not the case.......and just like, again that it's easy to forget you don't have to be in "nobody wants to hear you talk" mode, or think like, okay, i can't just say anything, i have to say something Good, aka of interest or funny or whatever lmao but then it's like well i guess i Can just say anything. don't much know how to do that tho

(also, sidenote from "wtf is thinking being friends w/someone online is faker than when you're friends with someone sort of from being in the same building every weekday, what is the conclusion of 'what a loser geek whatever if you care about connecting Online who can't be popular Offline'" where it's always funny when someone is also like "wow even in person Fandom is, like social media, something that only people who suck at socializing Normally are into" lmfao like. not very relevant b/c nobody wants to really be in a broader fanbase rather than find particular kindred spirits through it, and who actually wants to go to comic con or whatever, sounds like a nightmare, but it's still such a faux analytical perspective lmfao like, again, first of all, what's the Conclusion to your argument here? and secondly honestly like. all versions of Small Talk are kinda gonna be bullshit, even amongst say, nt people, there's nothing Universal, and people can certainly be inconsiderate / preclude any genuine connection via what they might consider to be this neutral part of the ritual, and yknow, i find it kinda exhausting like it's peak Time To Mask and then i'm hardly in the mood to Really talk further, like yknow what. idk i'd be annoyed if someone demanded i Correctly Complete some sort of fandom reference by way of greeting, but i'm also annoyed when someone demands i Correctly Complete whatever maneuvers you're supposed to do with a rhetorical "how are you :)" lmfao like. you're a cringe nerd in the rigid social ritual of pleasantries fandom)

anyways and uhh yeah i also yknow, hashtag alana beck, it's like, glad to pretend Friendly Acquaintances makes sense, i guess it can, but it's great when it's like, oh i Don't have to only expect to be really peripheral in people's lives, or to only be friends with people i don't feel like i vibe with That much or also talk to that much about anything, when i can definitely feel like Yes this person is a Friend, no "are they actually closer to an acquaintance at this point" disclaimers needed, again, taking it back to the fact that friendship sure is Significant to me and when i have it that's v important thanks

so it's like uhhhh yeah difficult to make friends, don't have general appeal or whatever lol, ppl aren't on my wavelength or i'm not on theirs, hard to talk to people even though it's not because i don't/can't talk plenty lmfao.......and re: being Supportive it's like well, i don't really tell people In Person i'm autistic but naturally if you follow me Online here i am talking about it lol, and not like anyone who already knew me & was friends with me was like "oh nvm don't like interacting with you now" and i also gotta mention the like Handshake Lgbtq lifehack, where plenty of times it can be like, oh if we vibe on That wavelength it can be easier to befriend people, and/or that people will at least be more like, amicable / supportive based on Knowing you're handshake on that lol. b/c really it's like, i'd also like to just be allowed to talk and/or simply be around people even if we are not Personal Friends, aka that you can expect to be treated decently with some basic respect / consideration and like you're generally allowed to exist and be present and interact with people where you're not only guaranteed to Not be punished / excluded for it if someone's your individual friend and allows you to be here, so. once again it's like, can allistic ppl be normal for 5 min

#still behind on this naturally lmao but when it's now 1am and i've chosen to do a whole essay #it's like whew time to make dark dinner for now #30daysofautismacceptance #2021

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gloaming-eye · 4 years ago

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In Patience’s Wake

(( This is the story of Sarlien coming into the void; he didn’t choose it in the sense of following Umbric, or Alleria. Instead, his is a more N’zoth-flavoured story. ))

It was early morning, if the mechanical click, click, click of the pocket watch haphazardly tossed onto the lid of the barrel near his bedside could be read true. What little sunlight that managed to sneak through the clouds gave proof of the day, but it filtered too much to divine time. It was scattered & muffled by the overcast haze that blanketed the sky, & further through the green-tinted seaglass buttressed in the wall of his cabin. He drew the greyish curtains with an errant toss of his arm regardless. There was still time for sleep.

Outside the deck was already abuzz with activity; the crew of the Patience was a tireless lot, tending to their duties without regard to the abysmal sky. The majority were young men & women, enlisted to the Stormwind Navy & shipped off with little more than a basic course in how to tie a proper knot. They were, however, apt to listen, & the orders barked by the chief’s mate who picked through the movements of their tasks were acted upon with deft attention. She strode across the deck as if it were second-nature, the subtle sway of her hips aligning with the rock of the ship beneath her oiled-leather boots. The cast of her features spoke to her time on the sea, as if the salt had crept into the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and brandished her hair with licks of white. The insignia of her rank was pinned dutifully to her breast, glinting gold in what little flickers of sunlight there was.

Below deck was much the same, the passageways and rooms a hive of bustling folk. A midshipman picked through the various arenas with an eagle’s eye, leaning just far enough into the doorway to spy on whoever was within before passing on in a huff. This poor young man was searching for something, it seemed, & it caused him a great deal of frustration if the scowl on his face could be interpreted as such. Before he had managed to pass completely out of earshot, however, his fussiness caught the eye of a copper-haired man who had been elbow-deep in an organizational chart, delegating duties to the various cooks & crew ambling in & out of the galley.

“Arlett!” He shouted as the unfortunate-looking midshipman stopped - startled just enough to turn & aim a wide-eyed look at the man. “You know he sleeps ‘till noon. No use lookin’ when y’know where he is,” he winked, gesturing with his clip-board.

The midshipman, Arlett, whose face contorted in vaguely-controlled annoyance under his mop of fawny-coloured hair, let out a long groan. “I had hoped today would be different,” he called back. “What am I supposed to do, Baker? This elf is insufferable..” All this earned poor Arlett was a bark of laughter from Baker, who waved a dismissive gesture with his papers & turned back to the collection of crew mulling over breakfast. “He’s the only one we ‘ave, mate. Light bless ‘im.” And with that their conversation had concluded, Arlett meandering with heavy steps towards the stairs that led to the quarterdeck & Baker listing off the duties of the day.

Sarlien was, even in his brightest days, predisposed to acting on his own accord & at his own pace. This wasn’t to say he was lazy, of course, but the fact that his internal clock left him burning the midnight oil more often than not left him vulnerable to the early birds that roosted on the Patience. This also left him open to the fussy whims of his assigned midshipman.

The sharp raps against his door spoke of the very devil, & Sarlien - who was still cocooned cozily within his blankets - aimed a thin, one-eyed look at the source of the forsaken noise. “Chaplain, please! We’ll be landing today, & the surgeon wants to go over th--” Before Arlett could continue the door was swung open. Meeting his eyes was a tall man with sharp features, sharp ears, & a sharp attitude. The dull, blue-glow of his eyes were slits under his heavy red brows, and he spoke in a hoarse tone as if only moments before he’d been peacefully slumbering. The midshipman immediately pursed his lips, his gaze lifting to meet the quel’dorei’s face.

“If I have to tell that surgeon one more time that I’ll /personally/ revoke his medical license if he makes another status meeting at the crack of damn dawn, Light help me,” With a wide yawn he lifted his arms high above his head in a stretch & then relaxed, one hand lingering to comb through the gentle waves of his unbound, amber hair. “I’ll be there shortly. Don’t wait for me.” And with that the priest closed the door, directly in the face of Arlett who stood in shakey silence before turning, sighing, & ambling back from whence he came.

There was something to be said about unrushed early mornings. There was a ritual that could take place, one in which the veil of sleep still softened one’s surroundings & gave peace to the coming day. But Sarlien rarely found such calm,even as he pulled on the dark-coloured trousers & clipped suspenders over his linen shirt. Even as his fingers dusted the invisible dirt from his orthodox trappings, buttoning the black frock up to his chin & encircling a golden chain over his collar. Even as he belted his sleeves above his elbows, rubbed life into his tattooed forearms, & pulled on a pair of worn, leather boots encrusted with dried salt water. Even as he smoothed back his fiery hair & bound it in a neat bun low on the back of his head. These things were all mechanical. There was no divine meaning, no connectedness he gained from this.

The chaplain passed across the deck unhindered by the goings-on; it seemed he too had the grace of a sea-worthy traveller as he strode towards his destination with meaningful steps. His blue eyes were lifted, but not to meet the gaze of those who watched him, rather to seek the horizon line. It was still clouded in haze - just as it had been for days - & there were no seabirds for miles. Even the sun couldn’t manage to drive the dreary mist away. Sarlien felt cold, even out here in the light of dawn. He shivered despite himself and moved on, casting off the creeping feeling that came from the fog.

“- and what will they think when their first deployment of medics is late? We can’t slow our course - we /must/ reach the harbor on time!” A booming voice echoed across the bridge for all to hear; though none turned to pay it any mind, the crew was smarter than that. None but Sarlien, who appeared upon the steps with a deadpan expression - earning a wide collection of faces upon his arrival. Some tipped their heads in greeting, others frowned, Arlett stared anywhere but the new coming chaplain as if ashamed, & the speaker paused with his eyes pinned to the elf. “Well. Nice of you to join us, priest,” he barked, crossing his arms over his wide stomach. “Fancy clearing some of this fog so we can make it to Boralus on time? Or do you hold us to the same standard of timeliness as you hold?” The crowd hummed & murmured, but said nothing as the uneasy air electrified around them.

Sarlien answered with an impassive wave as he stationed himself near the side of the bow, fingers curling over the banister as he looked to the water below. It seemed to him like boiling ink as the waves bubbled & crashed against the ship - not enough to cause commotion, but just enough to turn the stomach of a less seaworthy soul. “I am not in control of the mists, Dr. Lorden. Nor am I in control of time,” he offered, a tinge of bite to his words but nothing to be deemed disrespectful.

“So call the Light & clear it. We didn’t bring you so you could haunt your cabin & offer nothing b-” The boisterous Dr. Lorden started, waving a heavy hand around him as if to gesture to this universal haze - but he was cut short by a spritely young woman in blue & gold.

“Dr. Lorden,” she started, her words crisp as she set her grey eyes on the man stationed at her right - who almost immediately wilted. All bark, no bite, Sarlien decided with a ghost of satisfaction. “One man cannot turn the tide. Our Chaplain is deployed to assist the Church - and to ally with the tidesages of Boralus. It’s been a long time since our people have harbored in Kul Tiras, and his is a matter of diplomacy - not a flashlight.”

The majority of the conversing crew were clustered around a large, crescent-moon shaped table scattered with information. There were maps, timetables, various sheets of writing - but a map of the Great Sea was at its center. The coast of Stormwind City had been marked, as well as the island of Kul Tiras - and importantly Tiragarde Sound with Boralus at its prime. An enameled icon of a ship had been placed to represent the patience, a red cross emblazoned on her side to designate her as a noncombatant. She held healers, aside from the crew, destined to bolster the troops already deployed for the war effort. But her timing was less than ideal.

“Now, if we’ve our squabbling out of our system, I propose we keep our heading slow. As I mentioned, our ships are sailing unfamiliar waters. I won’t be the Captain of a ship who meets its end chasing timetables in the fog. We are the /Patience/, after all. It may do you some good to reflect on that.” The woman nodded once, the ringlets of her blonde hair bouncing as she moved. It was decided - steady on. The group dispersed like the mists around them, seeking their positions or the solace elsewhere. Though disheartened by the idea of more days on the water, their Captain had made a logical decision. It’d be silly to try to play chicken with the unknown.

Sarlien had turned back to the stairs, intent on returning to his quarters when the soft-spoken Captain piped up behind him. “Chaplain,” she started, her cheeks round in a smile. She hadn’t been hardened by the sea yet. This was new blood - probably her first command. But it was apparent that she wasn’t seeking glory in this station - rather, the astute decision spoke to her critical thinking. Her mission was to deliver the medics to safe harbor; if that meant a few lost days, this was far better than lost lives. But even with her sharp mind her youth was apparent in the inflection of her voice, the dust of rosy pink across her nose, her sweet smile.

And so the priest turned, less edged than he had been in the past. The nature of this woman was infectious, and one that softened the scowl on his lips. “You’re still free to speak to the crew, you know. I understand you’re an accomplished medic, as well as a bishop. You’re in the perfect position to inspire some hope in them; maybe not the /ship’s/ crew, but the medics.” He knew the meaning behind her words. She wanted him to rekindle the light in these soldiers’ souls; because that’s what they were in war: troops. Even the doctors deployed under the Alliance’s army would bend to the tide of the Horde if they found themselves on the wrong battlefront. These men were scared.

“I believe that ship has already sailed, Captain Vale,” he answered gently, linking his hands behind him as he spoke. “They mistrusted me the moment I stepped aboard - you’ve surely noticed that I am by no means a part of the majority.” And this was true; Sarlien was not just the only ordained man aboard (for certainly there were many believers in the Light), but the only non-human individual aboard.

He’d chalked this up to the nature of their deployment, in that the whole collection had been uprooted from Stormwind City, itself. Despite his standing in the Church of the Holy Light, Sarlien was greeted with wariness within most Alliance lands. Even more so now with the chaotic relationship between the Horde & the Alliance. It hadn’t been that long ago that Silvermoon fell, after all, & the only reason he ended up on the side of blue was happenstance. He was not collected by saviours in red - rather, he had run from the rubble of his city into the arms of a Silver Hand encampment. But this is a story for another day.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Chaplain,” Vale chided, & looked over the ship’s edge to the churning waters as the elf had done before. “They trust you more than they trust whatever’s out there, I assure you.”

Sarlien had left the young captain to her business after their conversation, taking his leave with respect to her rank, but no promises that he would act on her advice. Instead he found himself back in his quarters to spend the day, watching the sun dim through the window as if entranced by the passing of time & the shapes that danced in the far away fog. Just an effect of the setting sun, the clouds, & the sea, he decided. So long as the Light lingered - however scant - their ship would be safe. He drifted to sleep at his desk, dozing into restless slumber over an open tome.

---

What awoke him was the bellow of crunching wood & the lurching movement of the ship coming to an abrupt stop. The sparse belongings that had been removed from his single trunk skittered to the floor and rolled towards the bow as if pulled taut against a bow string, books & loose objects flinging to the wall. Sarlien too was sent in motion, falling in a panic to the ground & leveled between a wall & what he could only imagine was furniture as the level of the ground threatened more & more towards vertical.

He clambered for purchase, wordlessly calling out for help. But his voice was awash in the noises of the straining ship, the clattering fall of objects, & the cries of others so suddenly pulled from sleep & into whatever was happening. Managing to wrest free from being pinned, he crawled to the door - now almost located on what would now be the floor given the ship’s quickly changing direction. The noise was relentless, now just a drone of terror and rushing water as his fingers found the latch, pulled, & pushed the door aside despite the debris that had shuttered it closed. The glow of his eyes flared as he called on that far off, divine strength, a flicker of blue - & then brilliant gold.

There was no chance of walking now, only a haphazard climb to the next door in his hallway atop fallen boxes and random objects piling. The water, too, had begun to spring through like fissures in the wood. This ship was failing - fast. He pushed hard against the first quarter’s door he found, vaguely hearing a bellowing shout from beyond it. He pushed harder & harder, but something blocked him from the other side. The priest relented, falling to another door where he struggled against it just as before. But before this one could so much as budge he found himself surrounded by the inky darkness of the nighttime sea.

The noise didn’t stop. It was as if the groans of the ship and bubbling cries of the drowning increased tenfold beneath the waves. He slammed a fist against the door, the movement dampened by the force of the water, before he pushed away - defeated. He needed to find a way out of this hallway, but his sense of direction had been thrown in the wake of the ship. There was too much around him, too many things were in flux.

Suddenly - everything grew quiet. The jarring effect of hearing so much & then so little caused him only to panic further, that bubbling distress clawing from the pit of his stomach to his throat in a pitiful gasp. But there was nothing to breathe but water. So much water. He closed his eyes, the Light in the shadow of the crumbling ship snuffed out.

When he opened his eyes he found himself outside of the hallway. In fact, he found himself amongst nothing. Nothing but open ocean. There were no landmarks to tell him this, but his body was still suspended in the darkness. Perhaps this was death? He had no way of knowing, after all. There was a feeling of enveloping cold, something that chilled him beyond recognition. There was no sound. No light. No broken ship, or screaming companions.

��Have you let go?”

The voice held no distinguishing features. It seemed both feminine & masculine, fierce & gentle. It shouted like ringing church bells in his ears, but somehow reached him like a whisper. His head turned despite himself to one side & then the other, searching.

“Have you let go?”

It was a din in his mind, a clawing echo. But somehow it gave him some feeling of reassurance, like it released the knot in his belly with a single question.

“Let go.”

Something moved in the far distance, just a subtle movement in the darkness. Sarlien thinned his eyes as if this would give him better vision, & there was another movement in the farthest reaches of his periphery. Still there was no terror growing in him, only curiosity. His hands reached forwards to try to paddle in the water but he found himself stuck in one position, if the movements meant anything to his location.

“Let GO.”

Suddenly he’d been struck. Thicere was a tinge of something akin to heat in the center of his chest, but it grew just as abruptly into cold, creeping ice. He managed to shift his arms, & claw at the space where the pain grew. Again he cried out & was met with nothing but the sweeping flood of water filling his lungs. He choked, & swallowed, & clambered against the growing ice that felt like splinters creeping further over his torso, into his arms, down his legs. It crept unrelenting & seeped into the very core of his bones, filling each atom of space with cold.

In the back of his mind he would have likened it to being lit aflame. It seared into every nerve with a ferocity & pain that the priest had never known; not when his brother had doused the area around him in Light & he had been caught in the crossfire, not when the ghouls had ripped fissures in his arms as he struggled away from their capture.

But just as the climax of the pain met the edges of his consciousness & his eyes began to fall back, it stopped, leaving nothing but a void in his chest that beat like a cold drum against his skin. There was no more water to keep him upright, & it was only the uneven, wet surface beneath him that gave him any clue as to where he was. Pieces began to fall in place. First was the scent of the sea, stones, moss, - but there was the taste of metal on the back of his tongue - blood. The call of seabirds rang clearly overhead like beacons of something curious far below. An arresting crash, and then a passing bubbling as the waves drew away.

Had he survived? It was impossible - he felt his life slip by in the wake of drowning. There was no other explanation to the empty cold that ate at him, still. So he opened his eyes. Slowly things came into focus; the wood debris scattered on the coast, the lifeless bodies strewn over the smooth rocks, and the absolute stillness that veiled all but the rolling waves. He inhaled a deep breath despite himself, savoring the feeling but only finding himself reeling into a fit of coughs. As he wheezed, he curled in on himself and brought a shaky hand to his face. It was through a bleary blink that he stared at his palm. So cold, so grey - as if the life had been drained away and no color remained.

Still he struggled to his knees, and then his feet, powered by the same mechanical energy that brought him through those listless mornings. His dusky hands reached for purchase amongst the stacked piles of debri, slowly picking his way through the leftover wreckage. At each body he paused, laid a hand against their form for some sign of life, & then moved on. All were in the same state, but he checked on each as if in some trance. As if spurned on by the hope he’d failed to instill in these lost souls. But he found no life amongst them - none but he.

Sarlien came upon the twisted form of Arlett, his eyes blown wide in horror. Then there was Baker, his fountain pen still pinned on his jacket lapel - though the ink it leaked collected in rivulets of the body’s blood. The surly doctor too, though only parts of him - only enough to identify.

Captain Vale was one of the final bodies he’d found - it took so long that he’d begun to ignite some hope of her survival. Instead, he found the young woman with her arms twisted across the helm, pinned to the wheel by some sliding mass of wood. Her blond hair was splattered with blood, the color washed away by dirt and bile. Sarlien reached for one of her broken hands, his bluish-toned fingers cradling hers in a gentle embrace. He choked back a cry.

Was this all that was left in Patience’s wake?

#ic #sarlien #history

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vydante · 5 years ago

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Restart | Avengers x Male! Reader | 8

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Avengers x Male! Reader (romantically: undecided)

Plot: Dr. Strange said there was only one possibility of winning the battle against Thanos.

But when (Name) is forced into the past and into his younger body, he’s suddenly given the chance to start over and prevent the future from happening again.

So which route are you going to take? Are you going to risk the future and take preventative measures, or live life with the Avengers for the next 4 years, knowing what will soon come?

A/N: Long- 4.7k words. Hell yeah. Also: the GIF has little to do with the story LMFAO. There’s not really a fitting one, tbh... Sorry it took me a while to update, but hey, I promised in one of my last asks it’d be here by the end of July!

"Excuse me?"

"I do not know you to have hearing problems young Stark!"

You knew that your summer had been going a bit too smoothly. You just finished your nanotech suit, somehow with all this outdated tech, you had multiple wonderful shopping sprees with your mom (and as expected, your dad threw fits every time), and your summer project was going swimmingly...

That was until Thor had barged in with his hammer in one hand and a duffle bag in the other.

You pinched the bridge of your nose as Thor stared down at your slouched form with an intensity that made you uncomfortable, despite knowing that all that was probably on his mind was, well. You set down the hologram pad and turned around to fully face him.

You inhaled and tried to gather your thoughts.

"You're telling me... You want to go to China... Because...?"

His whole body seems to shake with his laugh. Your ears ring, having sat in a quiet room for nearly the whole day now. He stops laughing, but his infectious smile is still ever so present as he speaks up.

"I read on the interwebs of cuisine out of this world, and it said that this China has exactly that!"

You squinted and opened and closed your mouth, perplexed. You had so many questions- more so than before.

Where the hell had he heard that? That was so vague- cuisines? Since when was he into cuisine? And why China specifically?

Your lips were pressed in a thin line. You weren't too sure if you cared enough to know all of the specifics. And quite frankly, you're scared that it'll only give you more questions than answers- after all, anything goes when it comes to Thor.

"... Okay, and?" You tilted your head to add onto that sarcastic 'and'. "Why're you telling me this- I'm not your dad."

"Of course you're not my father! I am Thor, son of Odin, not of (Name)! I just want you to take me there!"

You rolled your eyes all the way into the back of your skull. Of course, he'd respond like that- he wasn't as accustomed to Earth humor as the Thor you knew. And with that ass-backward logic- that you had to be the one to take him there- didn't help with your frustration.

You picked at your chair's armrest, pulling at the already worn down faux leather skin bit by bit. You probably need to buy another chair, huh?

You exhaled softly, eyeing the Norse god who was grinning at you expectedly.

"... Why...? Can't you just- fly there? Using Mjolnir?"

Your eyes didn't miss the glint of said hammer. It probably won't be a comfortable ride, but it doesn't seem like the blonde would mind flying through the wind for a few hours at most. He patted your shoulders.

"Yes, but as you may know: I cannot speak Chinese."

He said that with an all too matter of factly tone that irked you, but also brought an ugly chortle out of your throat. You playfully slapped his hand away, eyes wide but crinkled with your wide grin.

"Dude- and who says I can?! I'm not all-knowing!" You waved your hands around with wide eyes painted with light mockery.

"Are you not?"

He tilts his head like a golden retriever. You snorted and turned around to try and focus back on what you were doing beforehand.

"No. Go by yourself, thunder thighs."

"But I even packed my stuff!"

He lifts his duffle bag- as if that was sufficient enough to call 'packing'. Hell, you wouldn't even be surprised if it was filled with random junk not meant for traveling. You rolled your eyes at how childish he was, standing there as if he was asking you to chaperone his field trip.

"Okay, and?"

That might be your new catchphrase just to combat all the silliness that was Thor.

He pouts his lips and tries to give you the puppy dog eyes. He's acting cute now, but you know if you take him to China he'll act a fool of himself. And besides, there's a high chance he won't find what he's looking for there.

You sighed quietly, knowing that Thor won't push you too far to do something you don't want to, but he'll definitely be sulking for a while afterward.

You mulled over it for a second, before it hit you.

China.

He wants to go to China. And where is China?

Right next to Nepal.

And where do you need to- oh, it doesn't need to spell it out for you does it?

You tried fighting back the grin, silently thanking the stars for having aligned right for you just this once, and pretended to debate on whether or not you should actually take him or not.

He rocked on the balls of his feet and dragged a whiny 'please?', which was the 'tipping point' for you. It wasn't, really- your mind was already made up by the sudden revelation, but still. A flair for dramatics wouldn't hurt.

"Ugh, you know what- fine, I'll take you to China." He cheered out loud, but you raised a finger before he could jump to conclusions, "But! Only for a weekend!" His expression dropped for a moment, but he was still grinning ear to ear, "I still have other stuff to do... Wha-!"

You felt your lungs get caught as he drops Mjolnir and his duffle bag on the ground, and your bottom was suddenly no longer touching the chair you were sat on. Instead, it was in the air now as Thor grabbed you from under your arms and bear-hugged you while swinging you around like a ragdoll.

"Hnng-!"

You wheezed into his neck, but he doesn't hear it over his boisterous laugh.

"You are my favorite Stark for a reason!"

Ignoring the heat rising to your cheeks at his bold statement, you smacked his back to let you down. You were struggling to breathe as he practically bomb rushed your lungs. He lets you down, but he's still hugging you tightly and swaying side to side. You coughed and patted his back, praying that he'll let go anytime soon for you to breathe properly.

"Relax, there's only- ugh- two of us so there's not- not much competition anyways. But- ack- thanks- now let go...!"

He finally relaxes his grip on you and lets you go, much to your ribs' relief. You groaned, sure that bruises were definitely going to form around your chest from him. He chuckles and mentions something about 'mortals', but you didn't care much to listen.

He picks up his stuff and turns around to your hunched form with a bright smile- brighter than the one he had earlier.

"So, should we go now?"

"You know, I'm not too surprised you got scammed."

You rummaged through your duffle bag, searching for some pajamas to 'sleep the night away', so to speak. You ignored Thor as he spread eagle on his bed with nothing but a waist towel to cover him, but it wasn't really doing much of its job as you can definitely tell his, ah, hammer was out in your peripherals. You made a mental reminder to get some eye-bleach later as your ears turn red.

Your embarrassment goes unnoticed as Thor cried out dramatically.

"They said the food was magnificent!"

"Yeah, well, people lie sometimes. Or maybe their definition of good is different from yours. But hey, cheer up- we got to eat from other places, and they were delicious."

You weren't lying. The first day was spent looking for the particular restaurant Thor was talking about- and as it turns out, it was just a weird brothel. The 'cuisines' Thor was talking about was a crude translation of 'Chinese prostitutes' so that was... An experience. You two made sure to get that taken care of before you moved on.

While the one place you- more like Thor- was looking forward to was not what it was chalked up to be, there were a bunch of other places that definitely made up for that in terms of actual food. Well, judging by Thor's pout, maybe it was just satisfying for you, anyways.

"But it does not quench my disappointment."

You pulled your clothes out and tossed the bag to the side. You made a B line toward the bathroom as Thor tried settling into his bed. You almost stepped onto the towel he, at some point, had now thrown onto the ground haphazardly.

"Yeah, yeah, tell me that tomorrow when we have to fly back to New York. Go to sleep, Aussie John Smith."

"I am still upset..."

Even with the door closed, you could still hear the disappointment heavy in his voice.

"Sleep. Now."

"God, I hope he's asleep."

Your eyes dart over to his slumbering figure, comfortably sprawled out onto the rather small bed- for a man of his stature anyways. You tried your best to put a blanket over him, lest he gets cold or something (really, it was more for modesty as both his moons were out in full display, along with everything else), but every time you looked away for even a second, half of it was on the ground. At that point, you just gave up.

His loss.

You'll just need to remember to tip the workers here if they were to be greeted with his hammer at any point.

"He is, don't worry."

A disembodied but smooth Australian accent whispers back to you. Familiarity buzzes in the back of your head, but you dismissed it.

You hum in response and zipped up your jacket all the way. It may be summer, but where you were heading might be cold. And besides, it was the tightest fit you could pack in your bag. You adjusted your shoes and take one glance in the mirror in the adjacent bathroom. Your eyes linger around your neck, and you click your tongue.

You readjusted the leather collar so it wouldn't leave a mark on you later. It wasn't too thick, but it was definitely big enough to be a collar versus an itty bitty choker. You were torn between this and other styles of accessories- hell, you even considered making the same component your dad had- one over where your sternum would be. But your first model would always be your collar, so that was a start.

You figured that you being here, years before yours, had already altered it in some way. You figured that making this- your new suit- yes, it would change how things would turn up from then on. But technically, as long as you kept it in the back burner, you wouldn't really change the future, per se...

Yeah. This suit was just a backup. In case... In case something happened to your more mechanical suit. Or if it was unavailable.

Hopefully, you shouldn't have to resort to doing something like that.

You gaze lingers a bit on the collar, and you tilted your head around. It didn't look bad per se, but you knew you couldn't just walk around wearing this. You could wear it under a collared or turtleneck shirt, but that wouldn't last long. It wasn't a viable long term solution- unless you just... Blend it into your lifestyle?

You shake your head, already having resigned to a previously made lapse in judgment.

You weren't too sure if you wanted it to be a collar, so you already had plans to make other versions of this, just in case. But for now, it was what you knew, so of course, it had to be the first model- for the nanotech, anyways. Technically speaking, this would either be Mark-22 or Mark-94...

It doesn't matter.

You walk out of the building, thankful that there weren't really many people around for a busy city as this. You shuffled around behind the hotel and into an empty alleyway. You tried your best to ignore the smell of rotting food- it wasn't as bad as some of the places around New York, but it wasn't pleasant regardless. There were also other scents mixed into the equation, but you weren't keen on lingering around to find out what it was.

You doublechecked around the corner just to make sure that no one was around before turning around.

"DAHLIA, how's it going?"

You murmured quietly.

DAHLIA was the name of your old A.I. The voice wasn't exactly the same as their original predecessor, but it was close enough. You would name it differently, but you were already used to DAHLIA, so it seemed redundant to make a new one right now.

There wasn't really anything too deep about the name- like how J.A.R.V.I.S. was named after Tony's butler, and FRIDAY was just a silly little joke. For you, you just named it after a flower that really... Resonated with you when you first named her, especially after the whole fight at the airport and finding your dad... Anyways. Nowadays, it was just a pretty name to you.

"All systems up and ready, doll."

The same voice from earlier replies back. Your hand traveled to your neck and activated your suit. You felt the metal form over your shoulder, down your spide, and up your scalp. You watched your own reflection in the puddle underneath you quickly replace itself with that oh-so-familiar yet smoother helmet.

Your vision goes dark and all of the city ambiances is muffled, then it all goes clear. Colors and lights flash open, and there's a bunch of U.I. huds popping up everywhere. While you can hear perfectly, everything's crisper now, but not overwhelming. You gazed over all of the information in front of you... All systems working perfectly- it strikes you now when you realize this was your first time actually taking this model out of the tower.

"Good... Well, time to take this baby out on a joyride, yeah?"

"Who's this joyful for- me or you? Judging by your spiked heart rate, it's not yours, and I can vouch that it's not for me either."

You ran your tongue over your front teeth and resisted the urge to scratch your arm. And to beat DAHLIA's thick head in for being a brat.

("You programmed me this way, doll." A phrase she said a lot, annoyingly enough. She wasn't wrong.)

"You can just say I'm nervous, sweetums." You made sure to lay it on heavy with the fake sweetness in your words.

Maybe it was just a gene that carried through from your dad to you, but it always seemed like your A.I.'s, no matter what, had more personality than the average person would like. But then again, it adds more flavor, no?

"Don't make me demote you to BUTTERCUP."

Buttercup flowers represented childishness, like what was spewing out of DAHLIA's computerized mouth.

"As if you'd have the gall to do that, doll."

You ignored the layers of mockery and rolled your eyes dramatically. She was right, but it'd take hell to freeze over for you to ever admit that to her.

"Just pul'up the route to Nepal."

There were a few pop-ups from scanning the room, but the main one you were looking at was a map from Chengdu, China, to Nepal. It was a little far for your taste, so you were glad it was nighttime.

You just hope that you'll be able to stay awake in the morning for the flight home... Who knows, maybe this trip will help with jetlag when you get home.

"Alright, let's take a stroll through Nepal... DAHLIA, you know what to do."

Your repulsers flare up and you jet straight into the sky. Stabilizers on your back keep your flight up steady and smooth, a far cry from your previous model's jerky movements.

"Camouflage Mode: On. Playing: Pumped Up Kicks."

"... Not the song I was expecting, but sure."

"Skip."

"Playing: Gangnam Style."

"Off- off, no- yeah, no- no, silence. Silence, yeah? I'm tired of your bullshit, missy."

"Sure thing, doll."

You wanted to throat punch the tinge of humor in her voice. It had already been around an hour into your flight to Nepal, and you were ready to rip your hairs out. You weren't rushing at first, not really, so you took your time on the way there. And boy, did you just want this to be over with. DAHLIA was nonstop playing the trashiest songs and acted like she didn't know what she was doing-

"Doll, if I may be allowed to interject in your brooding,-"

"I'm not brooding-"

"- I am curious to know how you plan to seek out the answers to your dilemma... Assuming you even have the questions to ask, if I may be bold in saying such. Which I am."

You suddenly stopped, hovering above the clouds as you blank out for a second.

"Well, shit- what the hell am I gonna ask?"

You almost pondered over it, but knowing that you already had all the time in the world to come up with questions and still had none prepared just meant that you weren't gonna get much in the span of a few hours.

You resumed your flight with a resigned sigh.

"You know what- I'm just- gonna wing it. Yeah, winging it."

"That's..."

"A dumb idea? Yeah, maybe, definitely actually, but uh, I'm too nervous right now to think. Just gotta- gotta keep flying baby, that's all we can do right now."

"And besides," a flash of orange easily catches your attention- too easily, considering it was all pitch black over the mountains of Nepal. There's a figure down in the mountains, and their head was pointed directly in your direction. "It's not like we have all the time in the world to think of questions right now, do we?"

The figure doesn't move. If anything, it just stands there and watches you, as if they were dissecting every movement you made as you quickly descended down to the ground. You surely didn't miss the U.I. hud blink in the corner of your eyes.

'Repulsor Canons: On Standby'

You made no moves to tell DAHLIA to stand down with the repulsors just in case they weren't friendly. The fact that the person even knew you were there, what with your camo mode on, told you more than enough to warrant caution. Your heart beating thrums through your ears and you barely heard DAHLIA murmur with concern.

"No, not at all. Be careful, doll. The area displays signs of heavy spacial manipulation..."

You didn't ask any questions from that, voice already caught in your throat.

"You come here often?"

It was a lot less cold than you were expecting, but you still kept your helmet on just in case. A blow to the noggin wouldn't be pleasant, but it'd definitely hurt less with it on.

Even with the helmet helping you, all you could see was a figure draped in robes, and they had a pretty long hood covering their face. They were probably like Strange, as you recognized that orange spark from anywhere... And besides, it was the only logical (despite there being actual fucking magic) explanation considering the only thing surrounding the two of you was mountains and dead grass.

"You are not native to this timeline, Stark."

It shouldn't have been a surprise that she knew who you were- everyone not living under a rock did- but hearing that still made your skin crawl. She knew who you really were- or at least, who you aren't.

"Then you'll know why I'm here."

"Funny of you to say that, when I'm confident not even you know why you're here..."

Your stomach lurched from being called out like that. You didn't know what to say to that- it wasn't like she was wrong. Not at all, actually.

She lifts her hoodie and sends you a smile, but you weren't too sure if you could trust her just yet. But it wasn't like you had much of a choice, considering she might be the one to actually provide you some answers. She waves her hand and orange sparks fly around you as your environment shifts. You step back and watched as building structures appear out of nowhere. It was... Beautiful, despite your hatred for anything that strays from science and into magic.

"Told you..." DAHLIA whispers. You swallowed down the bile from the visual trip.

"Holy shit..."

The robed lady still looks at you, amusement dancing in her eyes as she nods her head towards the entrance.

"... If you'd like, we can discuss this inside, where it's warm. And we have tea, as well."

"I don't know what to do if I'm being honest with you."

If you were the Ancient One- or how she introduced herself-, you would've kicked yourself out of the temple for coming here half-cocked. You didn't even know where to start with this whole conversation now that you two were settled now.

You avoided her gaze and admired the architectural design inside the temple as you both sat across from each other. Your helmet now retracted as you glanced at your reflection into the cup of tea. Your hair was a mess, but it was tasteful, at least.

"I can see that. To come here with no goal in mind isn't a smart plan."

"But it's better than roaming around willy nilly. It's already bad enough I came so late. Besides... Coming here will at least be an attempt at some closure."

You fiddled with the cup, tracing your finger back and forth over the rim absentmindedly.

"Closure to what, if I may ask?"

Your eyebrow twitched at the softness of her tone. Your grip on the cup tightened as a shadow loomed over your eyes. She looks at you expectantly and sips. Moments pass before a sigh escapes you and you lean back into the chair, running your hands through your hair.

"... Not too sure myself."

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and assume that, by the law of an unknown force," Sarcasm dripped with every word, but she didn't falter in her gaze, "You can't tell me... What'll happen in the future, huh?"

She shakes her head.

"There are endless possibilities the future holds that restrains me from giving a proper answer that'll satisfy you."

You laughed humorlessly. Great. Of course. What else were you expecting?

A weight settles in your chest, the realization that you might not even get any satisfying answer from this trip- this trip that you had been nervously looking forward to- creeps up your spine. You blink owlishly, and she mirrors your own expression.

"... Can you at least tell me what happens after- after my timeline? Or before I... Before I left?"

"I'm afraid not, Stark."

You licked your lips. Damn.

"I... See."

"I... This is also probably... Something you can't tell me, but... Did I- did I mess up this timeline? By coming back here, to- to 2013, by some miracle?"

She doesn't answer immediately. There was no contemplative expression on her face, rather as she was looking at you it was more like she was trying to figure out what you were thinking rather than vice versa.

"... You already know the answer to that. Even the slightest discrepancy can derail this timeline's future from, let's say, your timeline's initial course."

"I guess... Yeah, you're right..."

You thought back to the first noticeable inconsistency- the ambush at the HYDRA base. You knew you felt off about it, and your gut took a plunge when you remembered days later- you weren't supposed to be the one to get the file.

It was supposed to be Steve.

There were many more afterward. The apology following that. Your lab being built- you wanted to slap yourself- what the hell were you thinking?! It wasn't supposed to be built until a year later- but here you are, a fully fleshed out lab- that looks nothing like your lab in 2014!

There were many more afterward, but they were so minor you weren't sure if they were meant to happen or not.

Not to mention your new suit- you were trying to bullshit yourself with excuses, that it wouldn't matter if you built it or not, so long as you don't use it.

"... Do you think I should... I don't know... Try and keep the timeline according to mine? Like, let the preventable fights and deaths happen? Or should I just... Try and steer it into a future where we... We have a chance?"

That was the beauty of time travel that many works of fiction played with. With the knowledge of what happens in the future, it was easy to alter it as you see fit. And with that type of knowledge, it held a lot of responsibility to hold back the want to just... Do something different.

Of course, it wouldn't alter your timeline, a timeline that already went through its course- the same course you were going through months ago. Like Bruce- or Professor Hulk?- tried to explain before the time-hopping you all did: if you altered the past, you won't change the current timeline, rather you'd just be creating an alternate timeline, is all.

(It was a shame that meant that you couldn't really go with Rhodey's initial plan to just... locate baby Thanos and... Y'know.)

She shakes her head, almost in silent resignation.

"... I, ultimately, cannot stop you. It is your decision to make, and yours alone."

"I'm just... Scared. What if..." You felt the ground beneath you shift, despite sitting still. Nausea crept into your skin, and you felt like you were being burnt suddenly. You held back from spitting out the bile taste settling in your mouth and opted to grind your teeth together till it went away.

You gripped your head tenderly and sighed, "What if I fucked up that one chance Strange was talking about...?"

"Strange?"

"What?"

She sets her cup, now empty as opposed to your still full cup, and straightens her back. Her eyes held a firmness that made you pull your head away from your hands to look straight at her.

"You mentioned Strange."

"... You know him?"

It was a stupid question to ask, but she didn't seem to mind. You fingers itched to scratch your arm, but you ignored it as she spoke up again.

"Yes. He is destined to become the strongest amongst us, as you should know by now. What did you say about him?"

Blinking, you tried to recall what he had said back when you were on Titan with him. It's been years since then, but you could still remember with slight clarity what he had said to your father that day.

"Oh, I think- he said that- before he- he died- he said something about there being a- a one in like, 14 million possibilities that we win against- well, our bad guy. He said something like, 'it was the only way'. Right before, well... He- uh, died."

It felt weird talking about a dead man- technically, a man who was still alive in this timeline. She pressed her lips in a thin line. She stares at you hard enough to make you want to crawl right out of it, but you knew she'd probably yank you right back.

You could tell she's trying to pick her words carefully, and that was instant red flags to you. What did she know that you didn't? What did she realize that you didn't?

What did she know that'd make her think over her words?

"... Stark..." Your skin prickled, her voice was soft just like earlier. Did she think you were sensitive? "Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe it was destined... For you to be here?"

"What- what do you mean...?"

You gripped hard on the chair's armrest. DAHLIA whispers something into your ears about rising heart rate, but your mind couldn't really process it over the Ancient One's words.

"I mean... Maybe it was fated for you to be here, years before yours, for them to see that one chance of success."

Masterlist

Tagged: @unsolvetheheckoutofit

#avengers x male reader #x male reader #male reader #thor #thor x male reader #male reader insert #restart

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chungledown-bimothy · 5 years ago

Text

Keep Talking, Oh, Keep Talking

So, I know it’s been FOREVER since I posted any writing, and that’s mostly because I was working on this @sanderssantas fic for @mewithanie! So sorry about how long it’s been, and hopefully I’ll be posting things again slightly more often lol

I had so much fun writing this! Happy holidays, mewithanie! <3

AO3 Masterlist

Summary: Patton and Virgil were deliriously in love and didn’t think they could get any happier. Enter Logan, Virgil’s tutor.

Warnings: alcohol use, slight intoxication.

Pairing(s): established moxiety into analogicality

Word Count: 2,647 (plus 2 fake-texts images)

Tag List: @ren-allen @ccecode @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn @ilovemygaydad @bloodropsblog @funsizedgremlin @raygelkitty @roxiefox23 @thomasthesandersengine

Patton loved his boyfriends. He loved them so much that sometimes, when he thought about them, his heart would race, his knees would go weak, and his head would spin. Especially since Logan joined the relationship.

Patton and Virgil met the first day of college, in their shared psychology class. It wasn't long until they started dating, and a year later, they moved in together. Patton had known for years that he was polyamorous, but he kept that to himself, because he was blissfully happy with Virgil, and it was never relevant. Until the second semester after they moved in together, that is.

--------------------------

Eight Months Ago

Fifteen minutes later, Virgil walked through the front door of the apartment and was immediately caught in a bear hug.

"Well hello to you too," Virgil laughed, despite his terrible mood.

"What, a guy can't be excited to see his favorite stormcloud?" Patton looked up at him, his expression just a little bit too innocent.

"Patton, what did you do?" Virgil questioned, remembering the cupcake tower Patton made the night before their first set of final exams together and the time he came home from his first therapy session to find the living room covered in fairy lights.

"Nothing major; I promise. Come look!" Patton took him by the hand and practically dragged him into the kitchen. "See? Just a lasagna. Let's eat while you tell me about your meeting and this mysterious Logan guy."

Virgil got a couple plates and served the lasagna as he started talking. "Turns out, he's in my class. I've mentioned front-and-center-nerd before, yeah?" Patton laughed.

"Dresses more professionally than the teacher, kinda cute but also seems stuck up?"

"Yep, that's the guy. He's a lot chiller than I thought he'd be. Anyway, we're gonna meet after class every Wednesday for the rest of the semester."

"I'm sure it's gonna go great!"

Five Months Ago

"Hi, I'm Patton! Nice to meet you; Virgil has said such wonderful things about you!" Patton half-yelled over the music playing at the bar.

"Oh, erm, hello. I am Logan, although clearly you already knew that. Virgil has spoken highly of you as well." Logan fought the impulse to adjust his tie. Patton opened his mouth to say something else, but Virgil arrived with their drinks, passing them out as he sat down.

"Alright, we've got a whiskey neat for Logan, some IPA that the bartender recommended for you, Pat, and a rum and Coke for me. Honestly, though, Patton, I don't get how you can drink those. I had a sip of yours on my way over, and it was awful."

Patton laughed. "Yeah, they're not for everyone, but I like 'em! And it's hard to drink too many of them, unlike your drinks, so I don't get super drunk- my tolerance is garbage. Anyway," he continued with a mock glare at his boyfriend, "we aren't here to make fun of the way I drink, we're here to celebrate Virgil!" He raised his glass.

"Indeed. It has been an honor working with you this past semester, Virgil, and I am proud to see your hard work pay off," Logan added, raising his glass as well.

Virgil blushed and refused to look at either of them. "I barely got a B+, that's hardly a reason to celebrate," he mumbled.

"Falsehood. Truthfully, when we began working together, I doubted that you would be able to achieve higher than a C. You worked incredibly hard, not only on the subject matter, but on how you approached studying. Your dedication is truly inspiring."

"Hear hear! Virge, I know how hard this class has been on you. You've worked that cute butt of yours off for it, and that alone deserves celebration, even before you take into account how much that hard work paid off! But if it helps, we can call this a general post-finals celebration, okay?" Patton was rewarded with a grateful smile.

"You guys deserve to be celebrated too. Logan, you have been so incredibly patient with me; I know that I'm not exactly the most pleasant to be around when I get frustrated, so, thanks for sticking with me, I guess. And Pat, you've had my back since day one. I love you more than I could ever say, baby." He pressed a sweet kiss to Patton's cheek, and Logan was suddenly very interested in his drink.

"Loooogan has anyone told you how pretty you are?" Patton hit his hands on the table, almost knocking over the glass that once contained a strawberry daiquiri; he'd decided he wanted something sweeter after two beers.

"No no no no, the prettiest one here is Virgil. Those cheekbones have got to be illegal somewhere," Logan wasn't any more sober, two whiskeys in. "And his face when he's focusing on studying is just the cutest thing everrr."

"Oh I know! Have you seen him do the thing where he sticks his tongue out a little bit when he's really concentrating?" Patton was practically bouncing in his seat, continuing to be a danger to the glasses.

"Dear Newton yes! I had to excuse myself and get a drink of water the first time I saw him do it."

"Wait, that's why you left? I thought it was because you were getting frustrated with how long it was taking me to get it!" Virgil chimed in, astonished.

"Sounds like he was some sort of frustrated alright," Patton muttered.

"Look. We all know that Virgil is an incredibly attractive man, and I am a simple homosexual. That said, Patton, I apologize for the… less than appropriate thoughts I may have had before I knew that he was in a relationship at all, let alone one as objectively adorable as yours."

Patton giggled. "No worries, Lolo! Like you said, my man is an entire three-course meal, and it would be silly of me to hold natural, human thoughts against you! And besides, you weren't the only one in those study sessions with some interesting thoughts, right Virgey?"

"Oh my god Patton I cannot believe you just said that!" Virgil hid his flaming blush behind his hands.

"Oops! Sorry, V!"

"You- you're okay with that? Your boyfriend and a stranger having lewd thoughts about each other?" Logan asked.

"Well yeah! I'm not the jealous type, and I trust Virgil. What's important to me is open and honest communication, and he told me about his attraction to you almost immediately. Plus, in all honesty, I found it kinda hot, especially once he showed me a picture of you."

Logan looked to Virgil and raised an eyebrow. Virgil game the same look to Patton, who, after a moment of confusion and then realization, nodded slightly and leaned back in his chair. Once Patton gave his blessing, Virgil leaned in and kissed Logan, soft and unsure. After they separated, Logan approached Patton and, after receiving another nod of consent, pressed a similar kiss to his lips.

The next morning

"So… can we talk about what happened last night?" Patton asked sweetly over breakfast.

"Oh my god are you actually not okay with it? Patton, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have-"

"Hey, Virgil, no, I really did mean that it was okay. More than okay, even. In fact, I think now is a good time to tell you that I'm polyamorous. I had a lot of fun hanging out with Logan last night, and I'd like to get to know him better. And clearly you are both into each other. I love you so much, and I just want you to be happy. If you want to, I think at least a conversation with Logan about it couldn't hurt."

Virgil sat in silence, sipping his coffee occasionally, for several minutes before speaking. "Pat, I love you more than I can possibly say. I'm honestly not surprised that you're polyam; you have so much love to give. I, uh, I actually am too. So, uh, I guess I'll call Logan? See if he wants to get lunch or something?"

"Aww yay! Okay, I'm gonna go take a shower real quick." Patton kissed Virgil quickly on the cheek on his way out of the room.

Virgil took a steadying breath and took out his phone.

Logan straightened his tie and cleared his throat. "If I am understanding this correctly, you are both polyamorous and… wish for me to join your relationship?"

"Not so formally, but yeah? Last night, it was clear we all find each other hot. Which, like, duh, you're both gorgeous and sometimes I look pretty okay. Not now, Pat." Virgil preempted Patton's interruption without looking away from Logan. "I like you a lot, and I think you and Patton would also get along really well. So, uh, yeah, this is us asking you out. Not asking for any sort of commitment or anything, just hanging out and going on dates and stuff. You know, normal dating stuff. Just… with two of us."

"Only if you want to! And if you wanted to just date Virgil, I'd be completely okay with that too, but I had a lot of fun last night, and I'd love to get to know you better."

A tense moment of silence later, Logan spoke. "Let me begin by saying how flattered I am by your interest, both of you. While I am… inclined to accept your invitation to date both of you, I have never put much thought into my own feelings about polyamory for myself. Obviously, it is a completely normal and rational thing; my hesitation is in how I might fit into your so well-established relationship. Additionally, feelings do not come easily to me, and I find them exceedingly frustrating trying to understand. I have been reliably informed that this makes me a poor romantic partner." He took a breath and adjusted his tie.

"I have noticed that you are both quite vocally and physically publicly affectionate with each other, and I wonder whether my reticence with such displays would leave you unhappy with me. I have historically struggled to show adequate affection to just one person; I cannot imagine I would be able to give you both the kind of affection you seem to crave. In short, while I would like to accept, I currently cannot see it ending in anything but significant emotional distress for all of us. I apologize, most sincerely."

"I think I can safely speak for both of us when I say that we appreciate your honesty," Patton began gently. "Can I address some of your points?" Logan gave him a confused look, but nodded. "Thank you! So, it seems like your big concern is that you're afraid your emotional reticence would in some way hurt us or leave us unsatisfied. Am I understanding that right?" He waited for another nod before continuing. "To be honest, Lo, that's just silly. Are you familiar with Gary Chapman's concept of love languages?" Logan shook his head.

"Chapman posited that there are five ways people experience and express love- gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch- and everyone prefers to give and receive one or two of them over the others. Mine is words of affirmation, and Virgil's is physical touch; that's why we are as outwardly affectionate as we are. Trying to force a partner to 'speak' your language and not their own is just going to make everyone unhappy; healthy relationships require everyone involved to understand what the others need and want. We would never try to force you into anything you aren't comfortable with. We want to date you, Logan, not some version of you that pretends to be something or someone you aren't. If you let us, we'd love to learn your love language and not ask or expect anything else of you."

"Also," Virgil chimed in, "as to your worry about how you'd fit? Not a worry at all. I love Patton so much, and his energy and positivity makes me feel so good most of the time, but sometimes it can be... a bit much. He's wonderful at giving me space when I want it, but I know that I'd enjoy having someone else around who's more grounded. On the other hand, I remember quite a few study sessions that got diverted by you going on a tangent about something you love. If you think that passion isn't something Patton is going to join you in, you're incredibly wrong. And I think that his energy will help draw you out of that thick shell of yours, while I'll always be a more down-to-earth realist with you. I think we'd all be great for each other, if you're willing to give us the chance to show you. Only if you want to, though. One word, and we'll shut up about it forever." He gave Logan an anxious smile.

"In the face of such reasonable responses to my concerns, I suppose I have no choice but to gladly accept." Virgil and Patton both silently melted at the pure joy in Logan's smile. Well, Virgil was silent. Patton let out a squeal of delight that only dogs could hear.

---------------------

Present

Patton loved his boyfriends so much, just remembering the beginning of their story made him dizzy. Wait. No. Bad dizzy. I need to- he collapsed on the bathroom floor with a resounding THUD.

THUD

Virgil jumped out of his seat. "Logan? Patton??" he called as he ran from their bedroom to the living room.

"Patton? Virgil?" Logan shouted at the same time. They met in the living room.

"Shit, where's Patton? PATTON!" Virgil yelled.

"It sounded like it came from the bathroom." Logan had barely finished his sentence before they both started running. They skidded to a halt outside the closed door; Virgil knocked.

"Patton? Are you in there? Are you okay?"

Three seconds of silence later, Logan knocked. "Patton, we are coming in." They opened the door to find him collapsed on the floor.

"Patton, can you hear us? Patton??" Virgil fell to his knees, checking for breathing and a pulse. "He's got a weak pulse, but it's there, and he's breathing okay. I don't- what do we do, Lo?" Virgil's voice was barely more than a shaky squeak.

Logan, on the other hand, spoke with cool, detached clarity. "Assuming that Patton collapsed due to a loss of consciousness, he has been unconscious for approximately thirty seconds. If he is out for another minute, we will call 911. In the meantime, go get a glass of water and all the pillows from the living room. Quickly, Verge. We need to get him back." They locked eyes and saw mirrored concern and panic. Virgil turned and ran to the kitchen. He was back in 45 seconds, and found Logan holding up Patton's groggy, but conscious, head.

"Virgil, you're back. Excellent. Here, give me a couple of pillows." He tucked them under his head gently, while Virgil knelt down beside him and took his hand. Only then did he notice how much his own were shaking.

"Patton, are you okay? What happened?"

"Mmf, dunno. Got dizzy. Are you guys okay?" Patton mumbled.

"Patton, of- of course we are okay; you're the one who fell. We should get you into bed. Do you think you can stand?" Logan asked.

"I- I don't think so, not quite yet." Logan and Virgil once again met eyes in a silent conversation.

"Okay, Pat, knees up, I'm gonna carry you." With an ease that surprised and slightly aroused Logan, Virgil picked Patton up, placed a soft kiss to his forehead, and carried him to the bedroom. "Let's get you to bed, baby; we'll take good care of you. You're gonna be just fine," he said softly into Patton's hair.

Once they got him to bed, they tucked him in, Logan made chicken noodle soup for when Patton felt up to it, and they gave him all of the cuddles he could possibly want. Which is, of course, an unlimited amount.

#analogicality #moxiety #analogical #logicality #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #my writing #sanders sides fanfiction

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uglysantas · 4 years ago

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Hanes has partnered with adopt a Heritage Not Hate Flag T-Shirt Hoodie Sweatshirt soldier platoon and sent a fresh supply of t shirts socks and underwear to the wounded marines in afghanistan’s camp leatherneck it s hard to express how much we appreciate your incredible sacrifice and the sacrifice of all our country s brave men and women this day is for you. Line and define the latest in 90 s revival dark lips give your pout some definition with two new darker shades of our lip liner blending brush just 3. So this is going to be a bit long but bear with me I had what I believe to be a pointless and incredibly frustrating experience with the assistant manager jamie at your auburn hills great lakes crossing location today I have been coming here for three years I frequent your orlando san marcos and new jersey locations as well at least once a year when we stop we usually spend 5 to 10 thousand dollars on your products the system is simple I go in park in a corner and bring bins to my corner sort them bag them move them to the front register and repeat today I brought a personal duffel bag as it holds about 8 to 12 of your bags worth of stuff I get told that i’m not allowed to use it because it’s policy not a big deal at all I say okay i’ll do that for the rest rather than rebag all of this i’ll just go up in line and pay for it and it can sit behind the counter seems pretty reasonable to me nope I got obstructed suggested that I might be stealing something and not allowed to pass stating if I don’t want to follow the system I can leave he then takes my entire duffel dumps it onto the floor and then rebags it into victoria secret bags then moves it to the front counter so it can be rang in I thought this was a little odd but hey he was doing all the work rebagging it so whatever i’m like dude i’m going to be spending about 8k today all I want to do is come in spend some money get out without any drama what’s the problem whoevers in charge should be thrilled with a sale like this we’re spending 8k keep in mind that I told him that I would do what he wanted and it wasnt’ a big deal and the response was to the effect of stop being lippy and just listen I told him what do you want from me I just agreed with you and said I would use your bags i’m not being lippy at all I know this because I said okay dude not a problem i’ll use your bags his response was maybe if you get to buy it i’m like what are you suggesting that an 8 000 order is something you guys don’t want he’s like yeah if you buy it i’m like dude we are spending 8k today why would I bag up a bunch of stuff and spend 2 3 hours picking our your fabulous product to not buy it anyway so I had 4 credit cards one card had 2 000 one had 3500 one had 2000 and one had 1000 because I am buying for multiple people I had 4 different cards all in my name I wanted one receipt for each card not a big deal to me right wrong again he cited some policy and said if the order is more than 750 items that they aren’t allowed to ring in under 750 items on any one receipt id like to point out that that amount is higher than your employees said they could take as a cash payment I asked him to please show me that I would understand better if I could just read it he was willing to do so he brought out the policy book and to my surprise what it actually said was words to the afffect of cash payments cannot be split up or over 750 items I forget the second half my immediate reply was so what’s the big deal im using credit not cash he snatched the policy book away from me at that point and said you know what you can just listen to me or I don’t have to let you buy anything it’s up to my discretion I then called your orlando outlet and your new jersey outlet and talked to the store managers and cited your policy I was given I asked them to confirm if that was accurate and both said if it was a policy it was news to them I then asked if they would let me buy my order using 4 cards and 4 receipts the woman at orlando said oh my gosh yes we do that every single day I asked if I went to her store if I would have any trouble with this in the future and was told no then she said you can always come down here if you’re in the area and i’ll be happy to take your order after that phone call I tried again here’s the video of that attempt I said listen I have 4 credit cards your register girl said you told her she can’t ring up an order under 750 items that’s 3500 if it’s 5 items not all of my cards have that much I have done multiple receipts every time I came here heck I can even supply them to show it he tells me that because I am order so many items that I can’t have less tan 750 items per receipt so I point around to everyone else and ask what about everyone else you aren’t forcing them to spend a minimum of 750 items what about the final charge i’ll have 750 items for two tickets but the leftover isn’t going to be 750 items you’re not going to let me buy them he shrugged his shoulders to say no at this point I haven’t yelled ive been a bit snarky and sarcastic because I know he’s just giving me a hard time two people ring in our order almost every time I am up there and we were there 3 times in the last 6 months spent a bunch each time so at 730 8pm or so we are done shopping assuming that two people could ring us up ended up being a fantasy he forced one employee only to ring us up later on he comes up when its now close to 9pm and says hey you mind if we ring you up on both registers I chuckle and say no I don’t but you do you don’t want to be breaking that 750 rule do you he glared at me and then sent the employee away and walked off after blinking a few times I laugh because after telling me over and over he couldn’t do it he just got caught trying to do what should have been done to begin with a short while later after 9 I find out that everyone is standing uip front except for the one girl and another associate because none of the rest of them are allowed to help her ring us up the only two people left in the store with about 700 more items to be rang in if that’s not enough since it was a holidy all of these employees are apparently being paid overtime to stand around and wait at a bit after 10 all but two girls leave and one girl is waiting to count cash while the other girl sits and keeps ringing stuff in we apologize profusely we expected two employees to ring us up like always and timed our visit to be out around 9 if this had happened instead of having one literally stand there and watch her for 1 hour and 47 minutes after close we would have all been out on time and no overtime or extra hours spent so finally at 10 47 pm our orders are done we thank the lovely girl lauren and jasmine who got stuck staying 2 hours past close because a manager made up some random policy and had to double down when I pointed out he really needed to follow that 750 rule when he was going to toss another girl on the register if this is policy fine it doesn’t seem to be no manager at your other outlets knew what he was talking about the orlando one insisted that the only restrictions are on cash payments and verified I was paying cash or credit it’s a pretty humiliating experience to get hassled trying to buy panties and bras by someone who’s on some type of power trip the only thing I said sideways to him was that I flat out didn’t believe his policy and that credit absolutely is not the same as cash I didnt call him any names scream at him or did anything to disrupt the store beyond what you see in the videos if this is not policy i’d like an apology from that manager in person or over the phone admitting he was mistaken I would hope that the next time I go there I am not hassled but if not I guess there’s always orlando or new jersey who seem to be quite friendly I also want to give recognition to jasmine and lauren lauren is the poor soul who got stuck ringing everything in alone because of the manager’s silly rule and not allowing anyone to help because it would be in violation of the 750 item rule jasmine was the cash counter who had to wait until we were out of the store to count cash even more interesting is that I had a former employee with me helping me buy and she said she never heard of this policy either but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t added since she left she was just as confused because the manager spent over 30 minutes trying to explain and defend this when that time certainly would have been more efficiently spent doing productive things instead of hassling someone who literally sits in a corner and speaks to no one while sorting through your products one bin at a time id love a call back about this or to find out what exactly is going on ive never been hassled like this before and it was a little frustrating and very trying to keep my cool joe rossetti alexandria gunn

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starryeyedproduction · 4 years ago

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More Luna Mendoza

Based on Gotham Writer’s Character Questionnaire Part 2

My greatest achievement? Well, I guess that’d have to be the fact that I was able to get a scholarship to the school of my dreams. It’s not a full ride, but it’s better than nothing!

My idea of perfect happiness… What an interesting question! I’d probably just want to have a nice apartment with a cat, living with my best friends in the world :) Wouldn’t that be amazing?

My current state of mind is… frazzled, to say the least. I have a lot on my plate, what with the God of the Underworld himself demanding I find out where the Undeath is coming from! Plus I’ve got school, work, my social life… It’s a lot, but I’m trying my best to keep my head above water!

My favorite occupation? From what I’ve done, or what my dream job is? Because for the former, it’s being a music teacher! The latter, my dream occupation, is that of a famous singer! I’d love to bring joy and happiness with my music!

My treasured possession is my electric guitar! It was one of the first things I bought for myself with my own money, and I’ve had it since I was a kid! I try to take very good care of it so it will last a long time!

The greatest love of my life is music. It has helped me through so many hard times, and I feel like I have to give back in some way. Even if I help just one person with my art, I will be happy :)

I’m not sure I understand this question, but if I had to wager a guess as to the meaning of it… I guess the road trip to San Francisco is really fun! It’s about two hours from us, give or take depending on traffic (usually give), but we always have such a good time there that I’d say it’s worth it!

My most marked characteristic would have to be my kindness I’d hope! I try to be a good person when possible, and I hope it shows.

I feel I’m happiest in the music store I work at, or in my room. Somewhere where I can just enjoy myself, with or without friends.

I most dislike willful ignorance. People who refuse to grow and learn are so frustrating to me.

My biggest fear used to be death; I didn’t know what happened afterwards, and had been raised to believe that being the person I am would make me burn in Hell forever. Now that I know that isn’t the case… my second worst fear is just not knowing if I’ll die. Or how. Can I die at this point? I mean, probably, but how will it happen? Will it hurt? I don’t want it to hurt.

Food! I always go extra when I’m cooking, making more than enough for my friends and I! That way, if people want more, they won’t have to feel bad :)

… I don’t know if I want to answer this question.

(Footnote: Her most despised person is her ex boyfriend, Andrew. When he found out she was trans, he physically assaulted her and threatened her life. She hasn’t dated since.)

My greatest regret is not trying harder in high school. I did do the best I could, but my best was mostly B’s. I know I could have done much better.

I would love to be able to be a bit more booksmart. I know things, but I wouldn’t consider myself a smart person. Not like Ruby.

I’d like to live in Europe! Maybe Spain or Italy! Somewhere sunny, warm, and with lots of water!

The lowest depth of misery, for me, is to live in a world where I don’t feel safe. Where I cannot feel safe, for whatever reason, just because I am me. I am lucky to live in an open minded community, but I know it’s not the same everywhere.

The quality I most like in a man! Let’s see… they have to be kind, funny, smart, and down to earth! Curly hair is always a plus too!

Same as what I look for in a man :)

My optimism. I always hope that good things will happen, and when they don’t I end up being crushed.

As I said before, I hate ignorance. Especially if it’s willful; you can’t just live under a rock your whole life! You need to realize that there are people out there who do not conform to your worldview, and that it’s okay!

When it comes to my friends, I value kindness the most. If you respect me and are kind to me and others, I will return that kindness tenfold.

I know this is kind of silly, but when I was a kid, I used to love this show called ‘Walk with Me’. The main character, Lockett, was always helping others and being kind to them. It made me happy, and I wanted to be like that when I grew up!

My heroes in real life are Jackie Meyers, the famous singer from the band The HeartBreakers. She makes such beautiful music, and I aspire to be like her some day.

My least favorite virtue is patience! You cannot sit and wait for things to happen all the time, or else they’ll never get done! It’s better to be proactive than reactive.

If someone is wearing something that does not fit them aesthetically, but they appear happy with it, who am I to say that it looks bad? Let them be happy.

I use exclamation points and smiley faces a lot. Some people say it’s annoying, but how else am I supposed to express myself?

I’d want to be born as my true self. I wish I hadn’t been born in the wrong body.

My favorite names are Willow, Luz, Maria, Rosemary, but my absolute favorite is Luna.

I would like to die in my sleep. I think that would be relaxing. Just have a nice dream before I die.

I would like to come back as a cat! I think it would be fun to explore the world through the lens of an animal!

My motto is “Do what you want, so long as you harm no one.”

#luna mendoza #writing #creative writing #oc #original character

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dragoninmypocket · 7 years ago

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note: This is part 2 of a (rather disjointed) series of ‘missing’ scenes from the books. While the parts can stand alone, I’ve thrown in some callbacks.

Other parts:

part 1: stay

part 2.5: promises

part 3: scar

epilogue: after the storm

Five days after his father’s death, Sharn finally notices that all of Lief’s shirt sleeves pull an inch above his wrist, and she writes for seamstress.

Elva had been their neighbour, once. On lazy summer days Endon and Sharn had sipped chilled ale with her, and laughed at the latest city gossip. Now, she does not meet Sharn’s eye.

Sharn tries to ignore the tense air, and cheerily asks after Elva’s son. Cole and Lief had grown up together, skinny and tangle-haired, with scabbed elbows and dirt-streaked cheeks. Two days after Lief’s sixteenth birthday Cole had visited the forge, and had been the first to hear the lie that his friend had run away.

“He is well, Your Majesty,” Elva murmurs. Her eyes fixed downwards as she makes note of Lief’s waist measurement.

“Now now,” Sharn smiles kindly. “There is no need for that. We are friends,”

Elva shoots her a strange look, mumbling under her breath. Sharn frowns, a little put out by her old friend’s behaviour. “Elva, what is wr-” She breaks off as she notices Lief’s desperate expression. Silence falls, and remains.

When the measurements are done, Sharn gives Elva three gold coins. The seamstress bows deeply and does not look back.

Still baffled, Sharn turns to Lief. Even though it has been five days, she is still not used to the sight of him so tall and broad-shouldered, with faint stubble on his jawline.

“Did you hear what Elva said before?” she asks her son. “I could not catch it,”

Lief shakes his head. “I have no idea,”

(He does, of course. I was friends with a woman called Anna.)

* * *

Sixteen days after her father’s return, Jasmine cannot find Lief. She has not seen him all day, and her chest is tight with the strangeness of his absence. No matter how much she scolds herself for this new weakness, she must admit that she has grown used to his quiet, steady presence. She cannot even remember the last time that they went so long without speaking.

It is long after sunset before Barda pulls her aside and tells her that Lief and Doom have gone to Tora.

“Tora?” she says stupidly. “Why would he… he did not tell me,”

“Or me,” Barda shrugs. “Sharn just informed me that they left this morning. They will be back in a week,”

A week? She turns away from Barda, mind racing. Jasmine had thought Lief would always stay with her… and now he is gone, just like that, without even a word.

* * *

Shortly after his return from Tora, Lief tracks down Cole in a tavern on the edge of the city. Cole, the boy who had had run by Lief’s side through the maze of Del’s streets, who had stolen apples with him, who had once made him laugh until he cried.

Cole, the boy whose grandfather, uncle and aunt had died defending Del from the Shadow Lord’s army. Whose younger brother, no more than eight, had been killed when a drunk and laughing Grey Guard threw a blister into a busy market crowd.

Cole looks at him with hatred, spits at his feet, and calls him a traitor’s son.

* * *

Jasmine bumps into Lief in the corridor which leads to their bedchambers. It is late at night, and they have not seen each other since Lief returned from his trip to Tora three days ago. Jasmine almost does not recognise him. His rough travelling garments have been replaced with a new, stiff shirt and jacket, and his once tousled hair is cropped and neatly combed back. He smiles when he sees her, but his eyes are shadowed and his is face pale. Jasmine is too angry at him to be concerned, but too glad to let him just walk by.

The conversation starts off normally enough, though it is unusually strained… how are you, how are you, have you seen Barda, no I have not… and then something changes.

The something they have never been able to quite put their fingers on. The something that began the moment Jasmine smoothed the healing cream over Lief’s chest in the Shifting Sands, and their eyes met, filled with equal measures of confusion and embarrassment.

Lief pulls her towards him, and their lips crash together in furious desperation, in a tangle of limbs and muffled moans. There is nothing pretty about this- teeth and noses bumping together, mouths open, tongues clashing, and hands up each other’s shirts.

At last they break apart, disheveled and panting, staring at each other. They will not speak of this again. They will not speak at all for eight days.

* * *

“We sit here and talk! While thousands of souls all over Deltora are willing and able to-”

“Jasmine!” Lief snaps, stomach churning. Jasmine’s furious face turns to face him, and all he can see is Cole. What about Holly, Lief? What about Holly?

* * *

When Jasmine storms out of the kitchens Doom does not follow her. She did not expect him to, for he is still her father in name only and they have not yet learned to love each other. It is Barda who follows her- loyal, dependable Barda. He would never consider not following.

But she had thought Lief might come after her too, and that was what hurt more than anything else.

* * *

She knows it is unwise to believe the word of a vindictive and wicked man, but anger is a feeling she has always understood. Not this- she does not understand these tears, or this sickness, or the way her stomach lurches when she hears his name. She does not understand how, no matter what Lief has done, somewhere in heart she wants him to come after her. She wants to run, just to see if he will follow.

And so Jinks poisons her with lies and sends her to her death.

* * *

Jasmine does not want him to follow her, but Glock does it anyway, furiously whispering questions that she will not answer. They are nearly at the edge of Del before Jasmine turns around to face him, hands on her hips and her face hard with rage.

“Glock. Go home,”

“I want to know why you are leaving,” he says. There is a fire in her eyes that he cowers before, and he relishes. Glock has never feared another human being quite like he fears her, and this is what fascinates him.

Jasmine growls with frustration and stamps her foot. “Fine then. If you really must know, Lief lied to me,”

“I already knew that,” Glock grits his teeth, thinking of how Jinks had so casually, so spitefully, told Jasmine the news about Lief’s Toran bride. Watching her face fall he had been reminded, so sharply, of how much she loved another man. Just the reaction Jinks had wanted.

“Not just that, he also…” Jasmine stills, as if she has suddenly realised something. She looks at Glock, considering. “You want to help your brother, do you not?” she says. “Well, it seems I too have a reason to visit the Shadowlands,”

Glock grins fiercely, and touches the hilt of his sword. “Then what are we waiting for?”

* * *

Whatever anyone says, Lief knows the real reason she left. He should never have kissed her.

* * *

Glock looks at Jasmine across the campfire. Her sleeping blanket is wrapped around her shoulders, her knees hugged to her chest as she stares into the flames, silent.

“What is happening between you and Lief anyway?” he asks, not quite sure what he even means by the question.

“Nothing,” she says quietly. “Nothing at all,”

But Glock knows the truth: she will never love him (No, she is hopelessly in love with a boy who lies to her as easily as he breathes. A boy who has captured her heart and will never give it back, even now when he no longer needs it).

* * *

They are paddling in the endless, dark waters of the underground when Barda turns to Lief and says, “You love her,”

It is not a question, and Lief, his face haggard with exhaustion, looks at his friend with a mix of relief and shame. “One of my secrets,” he whispers. “And someone knows it at last,”

* * *

Glock hates Lief for many reasons. He hates him for his cowardice, for his silly idealism and for refusing to save his brother. He hates him for kissing Jasmine at Withick Mire.

But what he hates him for most is the way Jasmine says his name as they watch him and Barda walk towards them like a miracle. She leans against the bars as though she yearns to run to him, and Glock feels his heart break further down its fault line.

* * *

Jasmine hates Lief for many reasons. She hates him for his cowardice, for his silly idealism and for refusing to save her sister. She hates him for making her believe that he loved her.

He does not love her, he cannot, because he chose to lie and leave her all alone. And yet, there he is, standing right beside Barda (loyal, dependable Barda, who would never consider not following). Lief’s lips are curved in a gentle smile, and his eyes searching are hers in some sort of desperate apology. I am here now.

* * *

Glock wishes he could have been the one to save her, but instead it will be Lief. It will always been Lief.

* * *

Jasmine decides to play a new game- dropping not-so-subtle hints to Lief about Ranesh, watching his eyes shatter as his face remains completely neutral. She enjoys the pain and jealousy she can feel crackling off him. The bitterness inside her wants him to feel it- the same things he makes her feel whenever he bites his lip and refuses to tell her his secrets.

Besides, it is just a game, she reasons, and it always has been. Just a game they are playing with each other’s hearts. And she is determined to be the winner.

* * *

It is her turn to watch, but she does not pay much attention to danger. Instead, she watches Lief murmuring in his sleep, his mouth curling around her name.

She does not remember exactly when it happened. When his round, childish face became lean and defined, his body became strong and broad and the rough stubble on his jawline appeared. She does not remember when his eyes became so serious.

She does not remember the exact moment life broke his heart. He is a man now, and she did not even notice.

* * *

Barda knows the rumours, and he believes them. Lief is to be married.

But that does not make any sense, because Lief is in love with Jasmine. Lief is following Jasmine to the ends of their earth, into the greatest danger of all, just to bring her home.

* * *

“I have forgotten nothing- I thought you had, however” (Withick Mire, nighttime, a kiss, and three words).

* * *

She wants to be mad at him. She wants to be furious. She wants to scream at him and grab him and feel his skin underneath her fingertips and hold his hand and hear his laugh and smell him and slap him and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him…

* * *

Rosnan followed Alyss into the deepest, darkest caverns because no matter what she had said or done, no matter what she looked like or where she had come from, he loved her with all his heart. And he showed her that she did not need to run anymore.

The Shadowlands, and finally Jasmine knows.

I would follow you anywhere.

He meant it.

* * *

He cannot stand it anymore. He pulls her towards him, and she grabs his face, and they kiss each other right there- in front of the slaves, in front of everyone. And in doing so, they both reveal the very last secret they were keeping from each other.

* * *

That first day the slaves are free, she meets Holly. The girl’s brown hair is cut raggedly short, and her face is gaunt with hunger and branded with a blackened hand, but still she smiles when she sees Lief. She does not question the Belt, or the palace, or the events of the day before. She embraces him, and asks after his parents.

“Jasmine- this is Holly,” Lief grins. The girl’s small body is held tight to his. His eyes are alight, but Jasmine feels no jealous pang. “This is my friend Holly. She is free,”

* * *

So there it is. All secrets revealed. And Jasmine knows that she will never be able to forgive herself for what she has done.

She remembers Lief’s tight lips whenever she mentioned Ranesh, his wild confusion when she accused him of hiding Faith. In his anxious face now she sees nothing but concern. All is forgiven. He looks at her like she has never hurt him, and kisses her like she never will.

No matter how many times she tries to apologize he will not let her. “It is my fault,” he whispers. “I left you all alone. I will never do that again,”

Jasmine fled to the Shadowlands because she wanted to find someone who would love her unconditionally, who would stay with her no matter what. And here he is. The one she had run from. The one she had been looking for.

* * *

As the sun begins to rise, Lief takes Jasmine by the hand and leads her to the washroom. He sits her down and cleans her face, sore and swollen from tears. He rinses her matted, sea-soaked hair in the sink, patiently combs out the curls and pulls them into braid. He kisses her jawline, and then her mouth, and whispers again that he loves her.

An hour later, they both sit on her bed. He watches her carefully as she runs a small hand brush through Filli’s freshly-bathed fur. The tiny creature is chattering happily, relieved to be free of the salt and mud of the underground.

“We should go downstairs,” Lief murmurs. “Filli must be hungry. And everyone will be anxious to see you,”

“I do not want to,” Jasmine’s voice is hoarse, and her head is thumping. She cannot face her friends yet. Barda must have told them what happened in the Shadowlands, what she did. She could see it in Doom’s eyes when he came to check on her.

But Lief just holds out his hand. “I know,” he says. “But we should,”

So they do. Her friends smile at her in warm greeting, talking and laughing as though nothing had happened, and Lief beams as he offers her a chair.

* * *

When Holly was young people had called her Holly of the Forge, because everyone believed that she would grow up to marry the blacksmith’s son. But sitting in the palace kitchens between her father and Sharn, she sees how Lief looks at this wild girl he found like a miracle. And she knows that to be Queen Holly was never her destiny.

#my fanfic #deltora quest #did i say it would be done soon? i meant now #i feel like this is so much more disjointed than stay.... but anyway #as usual constructive criticism is welcome!#and pointing out typos is appreciated too you all know i have a problem with noticing them #holly is one of my favourite ocs i had to include her #i have too many ocs tbh....#part iii will come eventually it is just a mega mess at the moment

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kaoarika · 5 years ago

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Dumb thing I gave my opinion about this morning and someone actually making me engaged in the comment section of a web*toon:

I generally avoid comment sections to discuss stuff that would take over 500 characters to make my whole point about it. Some times, I’m fine when I see ppl agreeing with me (in the same comment section), but other times, I suppose my opinion is “controversial” (I use quotation marks because it’s actually silly to call it “controversial”), because I’m applying IRL hindsight instead of willing my suspension of disbelief), but yeah.

So, I started binge reading this web*toon called “Yum*i’s Cel*ls”, I cannot believe it’s over 400 episodes, so ofc my decision in doing this as such was actually the wrong one (stuck right now in Ch 216), cuz I’m trying to devour EVERYTHING and it’s quite enjoyable, and I HAVE CRIED, even, at times.

I understand that there should be a “drama” rule when it’s about stuff about relationships and I suppose half of the problems in maaaaaany romance stories (I do accept I’m doing a bit of this too?) could be resolved with communication in any kind of relationship.

Some lack of it VERY BADLY *cough*KoiInu*cough*, and sometimes at least they try?

Okay, that being said, I’m going to explain some basic points before going forward.

YC is a romcom/drama with some Fantasy (biological, tho?) touches. It’s about a woman in her early 30s who had her heart closed up to anyone after a messy and sad breakup with her ex, but it kinda started changing when she had a crush with a guy who happens to work in the same company as her. Thing is, the guy isn’t interested in her, and is, instead, trying to set her up with a friend of his that might like her... and they eventually fall in love.

Then shenaningans happen, because OFC! It’s a romance/drama! *SIGH* I want to express a lot of my thoughts, but I’m going to synthetize them as muh as I can.

So, it happens that Yum*i’s bf, Woo*ng has a female bff that was ACTUALLY pining him for YEARS, but never did any kind of move... and he was also pining for her for YEARS, but eventually gave up. So, when he actually starts clicking with Yu*mi, the snake of a friend reveals her real scales, and start doing EVERYTHING in her own will to separate them :’) Also, Woo¨ng has some lingering feelings for his bff, like, HAH, ofc, he does. And he is freaking oblivious and dense about it.

There’s some obvious topics around that the series discusses like, “are men and women be allowed to be friends who aren’t pining each other” (IRL response, yes), but ofc the series doesn’t play it as such because... drama and usual tropes like “friends to lovers” (and like I said, both Woo*ng and S*ia were pining for each other at least a moment in their lives).

And heck, I do like the tope... if used and done well, of course. But, man, how I am still frustrated over this love triangle.

I mean, Yu*mi has her reasons to be jealous (because Si*a was purposely pining on her bf), but, Woo*ng is such a dense dude that, GOSH, bless his soul. Si*a was simply using the “best friend” card to do her duty as antagonist in this love triangle, and it made me so frustrated, because there’s ppl like that and trying to put her POV as “if winning his heart” would be a little nice romantic bs story to tell her grandchildren :/c. Yu*mi had all her right to hate and dislike her. But... Woo*ng was really in between a hard and rock place to choose what to do.

----------------------------

Here is the main point of this post and my opinion on that comment section, because at one moment, Woo*ng is realizing that Si*a is not having the best intentions of the world to still being his friend and “wanted something more” from their relationship.

Yu*mi straightly tells him that she dislikes Si*a. And Woo*ng response is similar, instead of “it’s complicated” (because he had lingering feelings for her, even though she is not in his Top 10 priorities, lmao). So, Yum*i "casts a spell” with him to get him out from awkward situations with her or any other woman. “My gf wouldn’t like that”, and, if they ask him “what? are you asking permission from your girlfriend over something like this? Are you whipped out by her?”, he would respond with his name “Woo*ng”.

Now, here is the issue I have with this (and technically I disagree with the majority of a 3-year-old comment section in this episode! Yay!). Sure, I get it, Yum*i was looking out for him, she is his gf. And Woo*ng is SO FREAKING DENSE, istg. So, this was some kind of way to declare that he was already "owned” by someone else, so “BACK OFF!”

But... I think, this could be worded soooo much better than what it is...

I mean, isn’t it bad hearing this same thing from a girl with a bf, right? So, is it OKAY from a guy’s perspective?? “I don’t think my s/o would like this” DEFINITELY sounds as anyone is “asking permission” to do something. It doesn’t sound good, no matter how you put it. No matter if the one saying it is a woman or a man or a nb person.

All I said was, “if this was worded better (instead of saying ’I don’t think my s/o would like that because (dumb reason)’, this couldn’t get interpreted wrong” If it was worded so MUCH better, perhaps the situation wouldn’t make it look bad from my POV. There are better ways to decline an invitation.

SURE, Si*a response was made to get through him as a way to prove her point, duh. Let alone, again, Woo*ng, being the dense guy he was, was being manipulated by Si*a using the “best friend card”, “what’s wrong in two friends watching a movie together?”.SURE, it’s nothing wrong, but your intentions are also gd CLEAR on this, such a manipulative b*tch you turned out to be :) .

There’s also this. Like, the way the translation uses “Woo*ng” as a way to respond to the “are you totally whipped by your gf?” is... UHM... debatable at best. In English, “Woo*ng” may sound similar to “wrong”, but... in Korean, apparently “Woo*ng” sounds like an informal “yes”, so... it’s like answering “Yes, I’m whipped out by my gf” in Korean... but “No, I’m not” in English... SOOO... Make that as you want.

I know discussing this might be stupid, because “fiction”, and my exp. in romantic relationships is pretty null at this point, but... I suppose you are also expecting something else from a series, you know? Because I’m simply cheering on the main couple of this series (at that point, spoiler!), and overall, Yum*i... Also, sometimes I lose some neurones in comment sections... *shrugs* and I was expressing my opinion on why I think the way it was portrayed was dubiously good.

I still think the way this all started was with how Woo*ng told Yum*i that he also “hated” Si*a as a way to avoid a fight... but Yum*i, although understandably jealous and would like him to stand out by himself and the like, was saying it as such... it could have been better, really. I know you are thinking in the good intentions of your s/o, but it would turn otherwise. A romantic relationship is mostly built around trust and compromise... not being possessive of your s/o (even if you don’t want to make it look as such). No matter how sly an outsider is and may be willing to separate you.

...

ALSO, don’t get me wrong, I love this series! It’s quite good (and WOW the change of art style over 4 years is astounding!) but I cannot not criticize some stuff here and there :) and boy, do I have some small issues around...

#kao's ramblings #spoilerish spoilers

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russellthornton · 7 years ago

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Feeling Trapped in a Relationship: Should You Stay or Break Free?

When you’re feeling trapped in a relationship, it can be a catch-22 – you feel like you have an obligation to stay, but it’s just hard to breathe.

Whenever I’ve felt trapped in a relationship, I think it was because I felt there was some restriction to my self-expression or freedom due to the expectations of that relationship.

I think there should be some restrictions on what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior within any relationship. For example, not showing up for an agreed meeting with a friend because you can’t be bothered is a form of self-expression, but not one that usually leads to a lasting friendship.

However, when you’re feeling trapped and you can no longer see any real benefit in continuing to meet the expectations of that relationship, then resentment and frustration can start to creep in.

Speaking your mind when you’re feeling trapped

I’ve had friendships and family and work relationships where I felt I had to be perfect – to not disagree or say something that might be offensive. Not a great tactic for creating a healthy relationship.

What I’ve found is that always needing to be agreeable is a good way – no, a Fantastic way *note the capitalization of the F* – to create the experience of feeling trapped with someone who could otherwise be a great partner, be that a friend, family member, colleague, or lover.

So I’ve learned to speak my mind, which has created a sense of inner freedom in me at all times. It’s also been a great way of screening out people who aren’t compatible with my true personality – they’ll either love me or hate me, but at least they’ll see who I actually am as opposed to a false representation. [Read: How to be comfortable in your own skin – 20 ways to love being you]

What to do if you’re feeling trapped

Now that we’ve got that basic principle out of the way, here are some questions and ideas to consider if you’re feeling trapped in a relationship.

#1 Knowing the power rule. Here’s a perhaps uncomfortable but very real truth about power dynamics within relationships:

The person who is more willing to leave always has the most power.

Simply knowing that this rule of power exists allows me to assess whether power is unevenly balanced to too great of an extent in any relationship.

For example, if my partner constantly threatens to leave if I don’t do what they say. An even more subtle power-play that I’ve received is when someone has a habit of walking out of a room during conversations at the very moment when I’m trying to communicate an important point. [Read: Dating rules – 10 unfair but relevant rules we all have to live by]

#2 Asking: why do I value the person? Most people don’t want to be the plan B – so if you’re keeping someone dangling on the hook of expectation but meanwhile have bigger and better plans, this may slowly eat away at your own sense of freedom. It’s called cognitive dissonance, and even the most seasoned player can get it.

The more I can line up everything in my life so that it’s the Empire State Building and not the leaning Tower of Pisa, the better things seem to go and the more pumped I feel about life.

If I’m feeling suddenly trapped, I try to consider: my values, my partner’s values, my life vision *and how they match it*, and whether I’m being honest about it. [Read: 18 emotions you shouldn’t feel in a healthy relationship]

#3 Keeping your eye out for the Drama Triangle. An infant needs to be looked after. This is the same for somebody who is severely mentally disabled. However, I wouldn’t agree that a partner who cannot get their own life in order is your responsibility.

Sometimes, people will use emotional manipulation consciously or subconsciously to keep you in a relationship with them.

I keep my eye on this by reminding myself of the Drama Triangle. I think of the Drama Triangle as a triangle where at each of the triangle’s 3 points is a different word: victim, rescuer and persecutor.

It’s of my philosophy that the moment you adopt one of these roles, you take away your self-empowerment and make others responsible for what you do or do not do.

For example, if someone is playing the victim, then they’ll make you their rescuer or persecutor. However, I think a healthy relationship is about handling your own shit and inviting others into your life.

If somebody is there to rescue you or be saved to by you, then you become responsible for them and are probably more likely to create the experience of feeling trapped at some point.

You also know they’re more likely to blame you for not saving them or allowing yourself to be rescued. You could also be persecuted when things turn sour.

I’ve even been in a relationship where I was the victim being persecuted, and I almost lived for the chance of being able to prove that I was in the right and she was in the wrong. F-ed up, innit? The Drama Triangle creates many tangled vines.

#4 Asking yourself: am I scared of physical or vindictive consequences? I’ve seen when someone both loves and fears a partner. This can lead them to overlook obvious signs of manipulation and/or abuse.

Perhaps their partner has a bad temper, is physically bullish, or has emotional or financial leverage. Finding others who have been through the same situation – even if it’s online or by reading articles or YouTube videos – can probably help to put this type of situation into context and help with coming to a decision. [Read: 21 big signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]

#5 Asking yourself: am I scared of what third parties will say or do? Sometimes your social circle, religion, or culture can cause you to feel as if you don’t have a choice or that you have limited options.

For example, I’ve coached a client who was bound by familial agreements to follow through with an arranged marriage. He looked for people who were dealing with similar situations and found very useful information that helped him to work out the worst-case scenario and balance it against his goals in life.

#6 Asking: am I living at my edge? I first heard of the phrase ‘the edge’ in a book called The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida. I later even wrote a book about it too. I find myself using it in a broad range of contexts because of how important it is, however, I think few people really internalize the edge as a life philosophy.

Think of the edge as a literal edge beyond which is a steep fall to where your fears lie. I think the challenge for us as parents, friends, workers, and artists is to confront this edge in order to keep growing as a person. For example, when I wasn’t pursuing challenging and exciting goals, I wasn’t really living.

Even when I had a secure long-term relationship with a beautiful girl, it fell apart for me, and became a psychological prison, because I’d stopped trying to challenge myself as honestly as I could. When I feel like a prisoner to a relationship that doesn’t serve me, I always ask myself first whether I’m not just a prisoner to my own fears. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 17 ways to make your own sunshine]

#7 Talking to a close friend or family member. I had this habit where I would walk for an hour – and sometimes hours – with a close friend of mine.

It amazed me how after our conversations I would have more context on a nauseatingly claustrophobic home situation. What I saw as idiosyncratic to me would often leave him nodding in fervent agreement: ‘yeah, bro I get the EXACT same thing at home too!’

#8 Looking at your social life. Again, I love the principle of ‘start with yourself.’ It’s my belief that it’s unhealthy to not have a wider network of contacts. I think nature has designed us to seek diversity, and this variation helps us to align and realign our beliefs and patterns of behaviors so that we don’t fall into neurotic habits.

When I had no friends, it was hard for me to appreciate my parents or my sister. And when my social life was bubbling, they all felt more approachable and vibrant. Whenever I have the feeling trapped emotion, only to realize I’d not been out with a friend for too long.

It’s hard to not feel depressed or trapped when you don’t have friends. The world seems more scary and judgmental and you can take out this fear on those closest to you. Psychologists will tell you that having a good social life, two or more close friends, and also family is a key part of emotional health for most people. [Read: How to be more social – 19 ways to genuinely connect with others]

#9 Ask yourself: would I actually miss the person? If the answer’s a hard no, then you have some telling data. I have pretty good emotional control, but I still find myself wanting to cut people off for some silly slight that I think they made towards me: some comment, expression, or reaction. Sometimes I’m over-reacting and take time to calm myself, but other times there is a pattern.

Just asking myself honestly whether I like spending time around someone lets me know whether I would benefit or not from leaving. I’ll ask myself if I’m always left with more energy after interacting with a particular person or less. [Read: 13 creepy signs your friend is secretly an energy vampire]

#10 Ask yourself: what are my responsibilities? I’m not a father, but I’ve seen that even a mother can start to feel trapped by her infant if she has no life for herself.

However, she can’t exactly pack up and dust her hands of him on a moment’s notice. Likewise, for any person who is vulnerable, it may be your responsibility to make sure they are looked after in some way.

#11 Ask yourself: am I scared of commitment/responsibilities? I believe we live in a time when the easier route and meteoric rises are worshiped in media and as part of social norms than is the path of diligent practice and slow growth.

I like to remind myself that with more responsibilities comes richer meaning and fulfillment in life. The opposite path is one where I take no responsibility and always chase the new thing – trying in vain to ignore the emptiness as it widens inside.

[Read: 15 Types of toxic relationships to watch out for]

When you’re feeling trapped in a relationship, it can be confusing. However, I think it’s a feeling that beckons deep and committed introspection and honest assessment in order to grow through it.

The post Feeling Trapped in a Relationship: Should You Stay or Break Free? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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